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Sunday, October 24, 2010

My track record with meeting men once I moved to Oregon from Miami Beach is not very good.
First man I met and went out with I met at the store where I worked at selling ladies clothes.
I thought he was buying for his wife, turned out to be for his Mother. She was in a retirement center here in the valley.
He was nice looking older than me, about 65, tall,silver hair. Wore cowboy boots.
I was 56 ,only a little over weight, about 175 , looking quite good. Had red hair,
dressed very nice, had to for my job. Only been here 5 months at the time.
He asked me to dinner, said he was lonely , hated to eat alone. I inquired about the wife. (No ring, but too good to be single) That's when he told me he lost her about a year earlier to cancer.
So we agreed to meet for dinner.
He told me when we sat down that he was looking for a wife and didn't have time to waste. He said it kind of joking, so I laughed it off, Replied with some comment.
Had a nice evening, good conversation. Heard all about his ranch. It was out in no man's land. Quite a ways from the nearest town. But he said he usually got in to town once a month. He did fly his own plane. He came over to see his mom every month. He asked me if he could see me again next week. I said sure.
We met again at the same restaurant. I no more than sat down than he asked me if I had thought about it and was I interested?
I asked thought about what,????
He said the idea of marriage. He had waited a year before thinking about dating out of respect for his wife, but now time was passing and he did not want to waste time with me if I did not consider marriage an option.
For once I was speechless.
I said to be honest NO , I have not thought about marriage and if I did it would be a long time from now. I would have to know someone and spend a lot more time than 8 hours in their company to decide if marriage was something I wanted to do.
At the same time I was thinking of the ranch out in the barren countryside, only getting in to the little town every month or so. And maybe every six months or so going into Portland. Oh my God, no I could never live like that.
He said I thought that's what you would say that. You don't seem like a women for the ranch life. You are too much of a city women. In fact big city, I don't even know what you are doing in this small town. But you are so beautiful I had to ask you out and just hoped that there might be some chance that you might want a different life.
So once again I was at a loss for words. Somehow I explained that I was flattered that he thought of me in such a caring way. And I knew some where there was a women that would fit into his life and he would find happiness again.
We parted on a friendly note. He was a perfect gentleman, just a kiss on the cheek and he rode off into the sunset. Or should I say flew his Cessna home.
About 5 months later I got a call from him. He was in town to see his mother.
He said he called just to see if I had stayed or left for the big city . He told me he had got married and I was right, she was perfect for the ranch. He then asked if I wanted to go to dinner. I said with you and your wife?? No, she didn't come with him, she doesn't like to fly. She's a homebody, just like to stay home and make quilts. I said no I can't have dinner with you. I draw the line at dining with married men. He said he didn't want me to get the wrong idea, he was just lonely and hated to eat alone. Sorry, I said, still no can do. Have a safe trip back home . Goodby.
Man number two was a blind date fixed up by a relative.
This time I asked his martial status. I was not dating some recent widow. They are needy, lonely and looking for someone like their late wife.
This man was a long time divorced. OK, I let the date be set up.
Oh my God. The man was an octopus. All over me from the first moment.
I finally had to tell him to cool it.
He said what's your problem? Women fall all over themselves to go out with me.
You should consider yourself lucky to be with me.
I told him ,Lucky?? What do you think I am, some needed lonely women , just waiting for some man to show her some affection?
He said well aren't all women when they get to your age looking for a little romance?
I told him what he was peddling was not romance. All he wanted was to get laid.
I could have a better time with my vibrator than I would have with him.
I got up and left him sitting there with a silly look on his face.
After that fiasco I told everyone STOP with the match making. I had had it.
If I was to date ever again it would happen all on it's own. I was not looking and
did not want a man in my life. I didn't close the door completely on the possibility that at sometime I might want male friendship again. But it had to be on my terms. If it was to be, it would be.
I have had some great relationships and the last one had been awesome. I would rather have the memories of that than go through dating some of these creeps.
So some time passed, enter man number three.
I bought a house and in the same development I met a single man who I saw for a while in the company of others. I finally agreed to dinner.
We had two dinners out. He mentioned that he was on a fixed income and could not afford eating out all the time. I felt kind of guilty so I cooked him dinner.
(big mistake). I happen to be a very good cook. He loved my cooking.
At the time I was working full time job and very active with my painted furniture and Salem Saturday Market, and weekend craft shows.
The next night after cooking dinner, he called and asked what's for dinner.?
I said I don't know. Don't know if I will even eat, I am so busy trying to finish a project for the weekend.
He said, what about me, I am hungry.
So I told him just because I fixed dinner one night did not mean it was to be a every day event. If he was hungry he better find something to eat.
He hung up .
I went back to work , but then there was a knock on the door. There he was. with
a bag of groceries , said he would cook for both of us.
What could I do????
A few days went by no more request for dinner.
But I would get home and there would be a dozen messages on my answering machine. And the request for my cooking dinner started up again.
I again said no to the cooking. He asked me just to come over. I said I was working on some lettering that I had to finish. He said I could do it at his place.
He would cook and I could work on my project while he spent time on the computer. Against my better judgement I packed my stuff up and walked over.
I ate and was working away, when all of a sudden I looked up and he was just looking at me. I asked what's going on?? He said, I though you came over here to spend time with me. What do you mean? I said. You are busy at the computer, you knew I had to finish this lettering.. He kind of pouted and said well you could come over here and sit by me while I am on the computer.
I said let me get this straight. You want me to sit and watch you work on the computer and let my important work go. Do I have that right??
He said yes. If you cared for me you would want to be with me.
I packed up my work and I said I am going home, don't call me any more, don't stop by, you and I are finished. I can't and won't be around a person who is selfish and controlling. GOOD BY!!!!!.
He later married a women who lived a street over from his house. She was just perfect for him. Quiet, mousy, hung on to his every word. Hung on to his arm like he would get away. He had found the perfect mate for him.
So with this track record, I had second thoughts about going fishing last week.
My girlfriend had called and said her husband and a friend were going fishing, she wanted to go but wanted another women along to keep her company. Beside I talked about wanted to get out and get active again. So here was a chance to put actions to my words.
That is how I met my new friend , Jim.
I love to fish. I am good at it too. I know how to do all aspects of fishing. Put on the bait, remove hook and even clean them.
My second husband was an avid fisherman. I decided to learn so as not to be left at home every weekend.
Jim is a widower , but 4 years has passed. he's a little younger than I am. But he doesn't know it. He thinks I am younger than he is. I'll clear that up someday.
We have had dinner, lunch and visited a vineyard and sampled the wine.
Next week going to a Halloween party. He's going as a pirate. I think I am going as a pirates wench. Or a gypsy.
If anyone would have told me earlier this year, that come October I would be going out on dates with a man. I would have said they were crazy.
Jim and I have something in common beside fishing . He has also lost quite a lot of weight. About 3 1/2 years ago he lost 110 pounds. He and his wife were both very overweight. The excessive weight , coupled with diabetes cost his wife her life.
He then went on a weight loss plan and lost 110 pounds. He's been maintaining the same weight 220 now for almost 3 years. He's tall 6 ft 2 inches. He's very supportive of what I am doing and it makes out eating out so much easier.
I have no idea where this friendship is going. I am happy to have a male friend.
I know I am happy where my life is right now. He seems happy with his life too. . So I have told everyone don't read anything into our friendship but friendship.
I have learned one should never say never.
"Happiness is something that comes into our lives through doors we don't even remember living open." Rose Wilder Lane.
Peace and Love.

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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Loved reading your stories and especially loved that you have a new friend. So nice that we know that we don't have to "settle" for men who doesn't deserve us.
    3738 days ago
    Jim sounds like a breath of fresh air after the others. LOL.
    3738 days ago
    I stumbled across your blog. WOW!!! There is a message in this for every woman out there. Stick to your guns!

    I remember when I first got married, my husband tried to teach me to iron his uniforms. I told him, no way. He said his first wife did it. Without missing a beat, I said, "Then go back to her." He has never been that needy man again.

    I hope all your goals and dreams come true!

    3738 days ago
    I love your excellent attitude of self worth in the face of all those controlling men - WTG!!! Enjoy your new friendship, wherever it may lead.
    P.S. I am going to steal that philosophy of happiness and somehow get it to where my daughter can see it. Thanks!
    3739 days ago
    Follow your heart and see where it leads - he may be "the one" or he may just be another "trial and error," but you are enjoying yourself and that's what's important!
    Live your life to the fullest!
    Stay positive!
    3739 days ago
  • no profile photo CD7547131
    Wow..what a blog. :) Great stories and a good message behind it. :) I really enjoyed reading this! :)

    3739 days ago
  • SPEEDY143
    Oh Tisha, I was widowed at 27 with two boys, 18 months and 4 years old. I have a story or two about men as well emoticon

    I'm so glad you are happy with your life right now and have someone special to share time with. Your story is wonderful and I feel like I know and LOVE you even more than before emoticon
    3739 days ago
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