Figuring This Out....

Thursday, December 09, 2010

Twenty years ago losing weight and keeping it off wasn't an issue. Admittedly I was an overweight child, but once I reached my teens I began to figure it out, although at some point I reached 117 and got complaints from most people that I was far too skinny at that weight. This is a distant memory (I was in my early 20's) and I do not obsess like I used to over my weight. I admit that I DON'T like being heavy and out of shape. It doesn't make me feel good or serve me in a positive way in the slightest.

Getting back on track didn't used to be a problem, but lately I struggle with it on a daily basis. In the morning I get up and I'm in a positive frame of mind, but by evening I just don't seem to care anymore, or maybe it's that the cravings take over and when I say take over, I mean, literally "WANTING" to eat crap so bad that it takes over the thinking/reasoning part of my brain. I'm pretty sure that this is my "addiction". Last night I controlled it a little, if you call eating marshmallows controlling it. They are a bit less damaging than what I have been binging on, and I didn't eat a whole bag or even a half bag. Yeah for me! However I must explain that even if I eat a healthy filling dinner and I feel full, I still have the urge for night time munching. I realize that it could be a way of filling a need for myself, and I want to do other things in the evening like "create" or read or just plain go to bed, but I always feel like I must "eat" something before I even consider starting any of these things.

I now know that this is going to be a battle and I am going to fight it with every ounce of energy I have! I want to be healthy and at a healthy weight again, I am not going to say skinny because being skinny really didn't work for me. Being healthy did! I know part of my mental battle is being moody from peri-menopause, but I'm not going to let that stop me. I know that with even as little as 10 or 20 lbs I will feel so much better.

So I my be back tonight to tell you what is going on in my head when the battle begins, or maybe, I just headed it off by writing this post (fingers crossed). Something to start my synapses "sparking" in a new direction.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Char I know all to well the calling of my name from the pantry and the fridge. But I also know that we can all reach these goals. Let me know if there's anything I can do, words of support, an ear for venting - I think I'm a little ahead of you on the peri menopause stuff so I'm here if you need me.
    3533 days ago
    emoticon Hang in there I know how you feel, as a teen I was very skinny (after being a fat child) then became fat again. Find things to do that won't allow you to eat during that time, exercise, drink water, write down your feelings at that time, brush your teeth are just a few tips that help. In time you will replace that bad habit with a good one.
    3533 days ago
    I know EXACTLY what you mean. I had a good, healthy, filling dinner and yet I want to eat crap. Not the apples or carrots that I have for snacks, but some fattening crap. I don't know if eating the crap is a habit or an addiction but I do know that I sometimes have NO control. If you find out how to beat the "urge to eat crap" please let me know. emoticon
    3533 days ago
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