Figuring This Out....
Thursday, December 09, 2010
Twenty years ago losing weight and keeping it off wasn't an issue. Admittedly I was an overweight child, but once I reached my teens I began to figure it out, although at some point I reached 117 and got complaints from most people that I was far too skinny at that weight. This is a distant memory (I was in my early 20's) and I do not obsess like I used to over my weight. I admit that I DON'T like being heavy and out of shape. It doesn't make me feel good or serve me in a positive way in the slightest.
Getting back on track didn't used to be a problem, but lately I struggle with it on a daily basis. In the morning I get up and I'm in a positive frame of mind, but by evening I just don't seem to care anymore, or maybe it's that the cravings take over and when I say take over, I mean, literally "WANTING" to eat crap so bad that it takes over the thinking/reasoning part of my brain. I'm pretty sure that this is my "addiction". Last night I controlled it a little, if you call eating marshmallows controlling it. They are a bit less damaging than what I have been binging on, and I didn't eat a whole bag or even a half bag. Yeah for me! However I must explain that even if I eat a healthy filling dinner and I feel full, I still have the urge for night time munching. I realize that it could be a way of filling a need for myself, and I want to do other things in the evening like "create" or read or just plain go to bed, but I always feel like I must "eat" something before I even consider starting any of these things.
I now know that this is going to be a battle and I am going to fight it with every ounce of energy I have! I want to be healthy and at a healthy weight again, I am not going to say skinny because being skinny really didn't work for me. Being healthy did! I know part of my mental battle is being moody from peri-menopause, but I'm not going to let that stop me. I know that with even as little as 10 or 20 lbs I will feel so much better.
So I my be back tonight to tell you what is going on in my head when the battle begins, or maybe, I just headed it off by writing this post (fingers crossed). Something to start my synapses "sparking" in a new direction.