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awkward...

Sunday, January 23, 2011

so its been a weird day. last week totally snuck up on me and i think that today it all really hit me. 1.) not working in retail is awesome and i LOVE my new job, but since i'm not moving all day and carrying boxes and moving furniture i'm burning WAY fewer calories a day. 2.) my food cravings are OUT OF CONTROL and i have no clue how this happened or what to do about it. 3.) i'm back on the pill but a little more emotional than i'd expected almost a month into it. 4.) my roommate has friends over right now and invited me this afternoon to join in for drinks and stir fry and we grocery shopped together and now i'm here, in my room, alone, writing this, i was sort of offered a drink and sort of offered crackers and cheese and i offered to help with cooking dinner but it wasn't time so i retreated here and i called a friend for back up but she can't come and i don't know how to be in the room with three people where there isn't a chair for me, two of whom i don't really know and i don't ski and i don't party and i don't like baseball and so i don't know how to be around it and interject into the conversation...i'd rather get in the car and go to target and pretend shop. i rather close my door and watch a movie. i'd rather go to the gym and run like hell. i'd rather be anywhere but here.

how does it get like this? is it the new job where us new kids are sequestered in the corner for the next few weeks until they find space for us so we're new and don't know anyone? is it that its the new year and that its winter and this is the blues in new-elyssa format? is it hormones? i feel bored and uninterested and underinteresting and this whole weekends off thing is great but i feel like i don't know what to do with myself. i've never had this much time to myself. its giving me time to think and analyze and i think i'm uncomfortable with that...

help! i clearly am inept at being social AND i can' t be left alone with myself!
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • GLITTERSPARK
    You don't have to be social all the time. Give it a shot with different people at work and at home, but if you aren't clicking - move on. Forcing yourself to interact with people you are not comfortable with is a valuable exercise, but if it is not truly what you want to be doing, give it the ol' college try for 15 minutes, then go watch a movie ;)
    3448 days ago
  • KITHKINCAID
    Wow - SO hear where you're coming from. I'm like that with people too. Weekends are tough - I either want them packed full of plans so I don't have time to be with myself, or I want them all to myself and get mad when people bug me. Unfortunately, I usually don't plan the right kind of weekend for what I end up needing, so they're always tough and I end up eating to shut myself up. You'll figure it out once you get used to the new schedule. Hang in there!
    3457 days ago
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