reality

Well i was reading a few peoples blogs off here and wow. I guess there is not better place to be honest then here, with people who get it.
Well I am 32 and been fat for half of my life. I am so tired of it but at the same time I am lazy and comfortable and love food.
I am tired of being judged, having to only go to certain stores to get clothes, not being able to fit on some rides at the stampede and not being able to sky dive or being affraid of heights because I am affraid that the gondola will break or the glass on the calgary tower will break and i will die. yes thats a bit silly but its my fear.
I want to look beautiful and be breath taking for my husband, I want people to be jealous of tom. i want to not hide from mirrors
I want people to like me
I am constantly being talked over and unapretiated and I am tired of people thinking i dont know anything. Part of that is me but I always think that its cause i am fat and why take me seriously. Its even bad when my own friends dont take me serious and constantly second guess me or tell me they know better.
I AM GOING TO STOP IT.
I want to be me!