KKROWIAK

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DAY 23 - Reflection

Tuesday, February 08, 2011

DAY 23 - Reflection

Being at work can be very frustrating. Although most of the time I enjoy myself during the eight and a half hours spent in the office, there are some days (days like this one) where I would much rather be at home. I have been sitting in front of my computer for the past hour and not a single thing has come up for me to do. There are no orders, no customers that need to be called, and no spreadsheets that need to be updated.

On the bright side, this gives me time to reflect on my diet, my exercise regime, and my life in general.

My diet has been poor. All too easily I have gotten caught in the usual pitfalls of a young woman with little self-control: if I saw something I wanted, I took it. When I was younger, I was never able to wrap my mind around the notion of sacrificing certain foods for the benefit of health and body. Then again, when I was younger I was active and had the metabolism of a freight train.

Regardless of who I USED to be, today I am a woman struggling with her weight. I have not stumbled my way to “obesity,” but the fact of the matter remains: I am overweight.

Twenty-three days ago I took it upon myself to make a change in my life. I joined the 28-Day Bootcamp Workout Challenge and have, with minor setbacks here and there, found it in me to exercise each and every day. Systematically I, as well as the other men and women undertaking the challenge, target various parts of my body through strength training while burning calories through cardiovascular routines. On top of both of these things, Philip and Lad encouraged me to start swimming again and although the former is no longer an active participant in my lifestyle change, I have other friends who have stepped up to the plate and are willing to join in my journey to a healthier me.

At some point in the beginning of this challenge I was distraught. Someone in my life had excised himself and it felt as though I had lost a part of myself in the process. Many of the people in my life were concerned for me: my smile was gone; my eyes were red; my typically energetic personality was hidden behind grief and sorrow. Fortunately, this only lasted for roughly forty-eight hours.

I had an epiphany: life is too short to be miserable. I washed my hands of my grief and I purposefully walked out of the ring of darkness I had cast upon myself. With a great weight lifted from my shoulders, there was no longer a reason to be crying.

Here I am on the twenty-third day of the challenge and I can scarcely believe how drastically my life has changed. Yesterday while I was at work I was excited because I knew that when I got home I would go swimming. How bizarre is it that I, someone notorious for spending days in front of the computer or lazing on the couch, look forward to exercise? In many more ways than I can explain, it is a liberating notion to know that I am breaking free of the restraints of a sedentary lifestyle.

My past created me, but it does not define me.

Looking to the future, I see only bright things: my health is increasing and with it, my body is being reshaped; I am reconnecting with friends that I haven’t spent nearly enough time with over the years; though my life at home is not favorable, I am learning to make the most of it and enjoying the time spent with my sister and nieces; my finances are slowly but surely getting better with and each and every well-managed pay cheque.

And on SparkPeople.com, I have a new family that supports and motivates me to continue on and push forward.

Thank you Amanda, Jennifer, Julie, Laurie, and all the other wonderfully fantastic ladies and gentlemen who have offered kind words and insight when I needed it most.

Until next time,
Kirsten
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  • MSMISSYLYNN
    Wow you really have a way with words :) I know how you feel. I'm 23 years old and in the past 7 years i've been with my bf I went from a size 14-15 to a size 18-20 :( I used to be 200 I'm now 260 (well last time I checked).
    I'm always down on myself, well was. I met my friend Sherri last year, who completely changed my way of thinking. I found having someone positive around me helped a lot. She got me out of wearing only sweaters. I now wear a tank top or a tshirt, which is still hard but I think of her.
    I've always been self-consious. Growing up my dad once told me I was fat. It hurt and stuck with me. My parents fought a lot to so my way of dealin with it was to eat. I was always a bigger girl, but healthy. I was able to run and play sports as though I was skinney. I've just let myself go over the years.
    I've blamed being to comfortable with my bf as a reason I let myself go. Thats no true I could have lost weight, I just never tried. I've used the excuse that I'm just big boned, but I can lose some of the weight lol.
    Another reason I let myself go was because in 2006 I almost lost my bf. He got jumped July 25th, the day before my 19th birthday, by three boys and they beat him so bad he was unrecognizable to me and his mother. He stopped breathing on me 5 times before we got to the hospital. Thankfully he lived. Later that year in December of 2006, we found out we were expecting :). We were so happy. I remember going home after I found out. I walked into our apartment and say "Hey daddy" He just smiled, grabbed me and spun me around, he was so excited. Everything was going fine. April 3rd I had an ultrasound, the doctor said my baby was fine, nothing looked wrong with him. But later that night around 4am I started getting stomach pains. I drove myself to the clinic cuz my bf wouldnt wake up. By 6am they finally sent me by ambulance to the hospital. The doctors there couldnt figure out what was wrong with me. My baby wasn't struggling I was contracting it was weird. Then one of the doctor used a metal pap test applicator on me and accidently broke my water. I lost my son at 9am April 4th. Losing him wasn't near as hard as phoning my bf and telling him we lost the baby. After I lost my son I kinda gave up on everything. It's been almost 4 years now since that day and we finally feel like trying again. Thats why I joined sparkspeople. Because I want to lose weight and be healthy for my next pregnancy.
    We can't let excuses stop us from our goals. I have a job similar to yours. I work as a guard in a police station, so I just sit there for 8hrs watching the camera's. Not sure how much I gained because I dont weigh myself. I guess what I'm trying to say is your a beautiful, strong, intelligent etc, woman :) You can do anything. Just have to set your mind to it. Together we can reach our goals. SparksPeople was the best thing I could have done to start my goal to lose weight. I've met so many wonderful people :)
    Keep bloggin I love your stories :) Take care.

    Missy Lynn






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    emoticon
    3582 days ago
  • LANG80312
    You have such a wonderful attitude, I'm very glad I met you! emoticon
    Laurie
    3582 days ago
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