Sickly Ramblings of the Mind
Friday, March 11, 2011
I spent most of my day yesterday sleeping and coughing and drugging myself. Last night I slept in a NyQuil drugged state. Woke up this morning and realized that if I was going to be smart about NOT making my co-workers sick and actually getting better as opposed to worse would need to stay home. This is the first sick day I've taken since last April/May... which is kinda upsetting. I know, "over achiever" here.
It is now noon and signs of "humanness" are beginning to return. I think the fever finally broke and went away. I'm so sick of being either in bed or on the couch. I haven't worked out ALL WEEK which I know should not be a big deal. When one is sick, one must take care of their health in order to not REALLY have a major setback. At the same time though I was getting so excited at the progress I was finally starting to see and this past week the progress just came to an abrupt stop.
I need to let that train of thinking GO. Don't get me wrong, I love the fact I am losing some of this excess weight. However, my original goal was to get healthier. Not about the "number", however about my life. About what I eat, how I take care of my body. The temple the Lord has given me. In other words, I don't want to lose sight on my original motivation and turn it into a focus on the "numbers of weight loss".
For my fellow believers out there, I found an interesting website that I visit from time to time for inspiration. Like today when I'm feeling like poo.
I personally enjoy it. I would recommend to check it out to anyone else who may be interested in trying to keep Him in your focus for being healthier.
Knowing that I need to let go of the frustration of not having worked out this week and actually doing it are two entirely different things. However, I will do this. The reality is I've lost close to 10 pounds, a mark I cannot wait to surpass. Well, I WILL Wait to surpass until I'm back in a healthy enough state to surpass it. This for me was excess body weight and as a result I was in a unhealthy BMI. I can appreciate that those who feel they have a lot more to lose than I do can be "annoyed", "miffed", "frustrated", etc. when I discuss that I am "overweight". However, for my short height and small bone structure the reality is I am. Which is not healthy for me. Getting back into a healthy range is important to me.
Yet the other part to this I must remember is to also take care of my heart and emotions. Not just the physical outward part, yet the inside. The inside which God places such importance on. It's not just about the number on the scale. While I will still weigh myself as a measure for progress, I also need to make sure I am in check of my attitude and emotions. Not comparing myself to other women or eyeballing every magazine in the check-out line of the grocery store. I need to enjoy and be thankful for the inner beauty the Lord has given to me and let that shine outward.
Easier said than done. However, today as I started to fall into the pit of "woe is poor pitiful me" I realized that I was losing my true focus. I think I might actually NOT weigh myself on the scale for while. Maybe I will put it away for the next several weeks so I can get my attention refocused on the HEALTH, the INNER BEAUTY, and not the number.
That's it... that is my challenge. For Lent, I am giving up standing on the scale. I will not stand on the scale again until April 24th, 2011.
Some may think this is a dangerous thing to do. I know for some people when they are not constantly watching themselves they will "add" back on the pounds. However, suddenly, it just seems to be the answer that has fallen out of the sky. I have allowed that number to make me happy, or sad. To bring me joy, or anger. I have allowed my focus to become too shifted off of my original goal. I will continue to use all my other trackers, however no scale.
I feel better already. Is that not insane? Just saying that out loud makes me feel... relief.
Interesting. Let's see how the next 44 Calendar days go. *little gulp*. HERE WE GO!!!!!!!!!