Im a little lost

Friday, March 25, 2011

I have been MIA on here in a while and i dont know why because this place, my spark friends are the most encouraging, supportive people i have ever known. I need that in my life right now. I am stuck, stuck in a marriage that makes me miserable, and i feel like it is really affecting my health and my kids in a negative way.

Bottom line, he is not nice to me. He belittles me, when i am an accomplished career woman. He has also cheated on me which he denies denies denies but i have it in black and white. Financially, we are burdened by credit card debt, which if i didnt have, i would be able to support my kids without a penny from him. I am trying to be nice because it is not good for my kids for him to not be able to live on his own or afford to do tings with them. So i suck it up, day by day, and don't have the energy to do what i need to do to feel good about myself.

The saddest thing is how this is affecting my kids, which he doesnt even see. My thirteen year old daughter talks about "when you get divorced" and its gonna happen. God help me but i cant wait for that day. I'd rather be alone than live like i am living right now.

So I am going to try and push all that to the backburner and focus on what i can control. My yo yo dieting and weight loss. I know how to do it. Weight watchers, exercise, eating healthy works if you follow it. I am an emotional eater. I wish i was someone who didnt eat when they were stressed. I would be a size zero by now.

Ive missed you my spark friends, and i am going to try my hardest to be active, to be supportive to all the wonderfuly people who have cheered me on! If i stumble, I will get right back at it.

Have an awseome weekend everyone!
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Hey Dalmom. I'm back here again after a year of hiding under a rock. The good news is I have lost 235 lbs :) Yes, I did it. Separated own place (small cottage) and finally on the verge of filing. I have to pinch myself sometimes, I was soo scared of the unknown! Is my life perfect now?? Absolutely not. Am I "happy", no not yet....but definitely happier! Let me know if you need to talk, I'm a year out in this process. You will do it when you are ready and not a moment before, I believe in you!

    3147 days ago
  • C11ELF16
    Glad you are back ! Sorry to hear you are in a bad situation. Too many women get stuck and can't get out. Time to RISE up against STRESS and focus on ourselves! I am here for you if you need support.....email me here on Spark and I can give you my personal email address too. I am good with texting.....not sure if you have a text message plan on your cell phone. It is a GREAT way to have friends KEEP you on track when you are stressed or craving junk food. You can do this! emoticon
    3553 days ago
    We're here to help my friend. Turn to us when you need to vent. You're in my thoughts and prayers. Love ya, Dawn emoticon emoticon
    3576 days ago
  • no profile photo CD5959732
    You can't change what is not in your control, but you can change and do what is best for you. Pamper yourself, take a walk, read a book. Just keep your mind focused on positive things for yourself and your kids. Prayers sent your way!
    3581 days ago
  • TEDYBEAR2838
    I can sympathize with you, but I'm sorry I can't be of much help.

    You will come up with the solution that is right for all of you.
    3583 days ago
    Oh sweetie, I'm sorry you are feeling this way. emoticon You have SO much on your plate with everything. I know for you, hitting the gym always makes the difference. It gives you some YOU time. We, as women need to have to put ourselves first, because if we don't, no one else WILL! So take out your calendar and start scheduling in some D time daily. I want you to write it in PEN, you hear? YOU matter and don't ever forget that!

    I've missed you too. Have some blogging to do myself with my own updates...LOL

    Love you girl! YOU WILL DO THIS!
    3584 days ago
    Thank you so much for your kind words. I know you are right and yes it does help to write about it. Makes me feel a little less like i am going to fall apart at any minute seeing it in black and white. I wish he was like other men and would just leave because I am so done but its all about the house for him. So for right now, Im stuck!!! Cant wait to see your sparkpage, i added you as a friend!
    3584 days ago
    I hate to say it but this is so true for so many of us women. It is time to move on. You are a strong woman and so very strong to post it. I hope it felt like shedding some stress off of you just postin it. It is time to put you first. I know I walked around with blinders on until my son told me mom he only shot at you once. What the heck. It is time to move forward you are so worth it. Dont worry about what he can afford he can work more than one job if he needs to but it isnt your worry. Right now you and your kids are. Press forward you have support and if you need any help let me know I can help and I am sure there are a lot of others here who can too.
    3584 days ago
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