Tuesday, March 29, 2011
I don’t want to lose so many things. I came to Brazil for many reasons but one was to change some life long habits. The biggest was this self concept that I wasn’t good enough, smart enough, pretty enough, talented enough, fertile enough, and the list goes on but ENOUGH! When I was offered this chance to experience living in a different country for the first time I thought yes, but I want to change. And I have. I actually feel heard. This is kind of crazy and contradictory because I had to learn Portuguese from absolutely zero. But I feel heard because it’s not words – it’s deeper than that. It’s a change inside that says you need to listen to me because I am important. Of course, this new feeling inside is supported by change on the outside. I am maintaining a good weight, taking more care with my appearance, and taking some chances and updating my style. Absolutely yes, I don’t want to lose that. This outside change has been due to many things but I would say that clean eating has played a huge part. I eat many more fruits and vegetables and few processed foods.
This is a big fear for me. I actually have days that I am afraid that when I go back to the states I will go to Sams, buy the biggest and grossest bag of Doritos and a huge tub of premade guacamole and just go at it. Then I have to remind myself that food doesn’t jump into your mouth you have to put it there and I won’t. And if I did it wouldn’t be the end of the world.
I also have made many changes that have greened up my lifestyle. I made a good effort in the states but here it’s kind of been imposed on me. I don’t have a car and in my neighborhood everyone walks to the market, bakery, and cleaners so I walk a lot. Products are not over packaged so I produce a lot less trash. You eat less here and the food is simpler - as a result less waste and often organic. We usually have one bag of recyclables and one bag of garbage per week - small bags. I really don’t want to lose that.
So, along with the physical weight a lot of other heaviness has been kicked to the curb. I see it being picked up by the trash man, going off into the distance, and staying out of my life forever. But if it comes back, I know what to do and how to do it.