Setbacks and frustrations. Grrrrr....

Wednesday, May 04, 2011

My ankle hurts. That's the very simplistic answer to what's going on with me.

Here's the long version:

I'm less than 2 weeks away from my 15K race. I did a 10 mile run on Saturday evening and it was great. I felt wonderful afterward (exhausted, but really, really proud of myself). I missed one training day last week, but it was a cross-training day so it wasn't the end of the world, even thought I wasn't very happy with myself. But work has been insane and I honestly just didn't have time to get the workout in.

So anyhow, Saturday was the long run, Sunday was a rest day. I ate reasonably well, but definitely over-indulged in the sugar and was kinda feeling guilty about that too. Then Monday rolls around. I did my usual step-aerobics class and it was great. I worked really hard. Later in the day I started having some pain in my right ankle, and then I noticed that my ankle/foot was actually swollen and tender. So I started applying ice and elevating it. I thought it was odd, since I didn't do anything traumatic to it, it just kinda hurt for no good reason. I think it's probably just a result of the increased pounding my joints are taking from the running I've been doing. My cross-training step aerobics probably aren't helping, since they're not exactly "low-impact".

Even though I was scheduled to run on Tuesday morning, I knew from a logical standpoint that I should not do that. But I still felt ridiculously guilty about it. I got up in the morning thinking I would go to the gym and maybe do the recumbent bike, ‘cause that wouldn’t hurt my ankle. But did I do that? No. I got up, walked around my apartment for a bit, then went back to bed. UGH. Why, why, why? I was able to take a short walk during lunch time, but it wasn’t a good workout. I was just generally unhappy and in a funk.

Then I had a speaking engagement last night for my job. The dinner was held at a Chinese restaurant. So I had Chinese food for dinner. Grrrr. If I was smart I would have eaten ahead of time, but I didn’t plan it out. I figured I’d just skip the food and have dinner when I got home. But I was there from 5 until almost 9, and eventually my hunger won out. So I’m sure I was over on my calories and sodium yesterday.

This morning I went to the gym and did the recumbent bike, and I think I got in a good workout. I worked HARD to make up for yesterday! My eating was good most of the day, but somewhere around 3pm hunger hit me big time. I ate my banana, and I ate my cantaloupe, but I was still hungry. I got home and started making dinner, and in the meantime managed to munch on cracker thins, some cereal, a couple of mini-meringue cookies, and several spoonfuls of leftover soup. Why? Why couldn’t I pull it together and stop myself? Now I’ve had dinner and I’m STILL hungry. What’s going on with me? I’ve got about 150 calories left before I hit my maximum for the day, so I suppose I could eat something. But I know logically that there’s no reason for me to by hungry right now. Arrrrghhhhh!

I need to consider what’s going on with me emotionally that may be causing me want to stuff my face the last few days. I just found out on Monday that my best friend Kate, who also works at the same place I do, got a new job and is moving about an hour away. That’s going to be really tough. Also, I’ve been feeling very left behind lately. Seems like everyone around me is moving forward, but I’m standing still. My brother and his wife are having a baby and my family has gone baby-crazy. Kate got a new job and is moving away, my dear friend Sheila just eloped with her boyfriend (I guess I should call him her husband now), and my other good friend Chris has just started dating someone and is in that honeymoon phase where he wants to spend all his free time with his new girlfriend. And then there’s me. Still single, no kids, same job, nothing different at all. I’m really happy for everyone in my life and all the exciting things happening to them. But I feel left out. And that makes me feel bad, like I’m being selfish. Why can’t I just be happy for everyone and stop focusing on myself? I should be a better sister and a better friend.

Well, I think I’ve tapped into the heart of it. I want to go eat that bag of M&Ms in my cupboard right now! Stupid easter candy! Anyhow, I’m not going to do that. But I think I’ve hit on the bigger issue for me.

At least my ankle is feeling a bit better tonight, and I’m going to go for a good long run tomorrow morning before work. Hopefully that will help me feel like I’m putting things back together. Seriously, I’m feeling like a blubbering mess lately. I need to get it together! Is this just a factor of where I’m at in my weight-loss journey? Is it the training program? Is it just the things going on in my life outside of all that stuff? Who knows. I’m hanging in there though, I think. But it’s been a bumpy ride lately.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Thanks Kathy!
    I'm feeling a bit better now and the ankle is holding up okay. I think you're right, things are changing for me too. It's not in the obvious or traditional ways (like relationships or kids or a new job), but in my own way I've changed a great deal in the past few years and my life is better for it. Sometimes it's tough to remember that. But I appreciate that you're here to remind me! Thank you!
    I think I'm ready for Sugarloaf, or at least as ready as I'm ever going to be! I trained hard and I know I can do the distance, barring any unforeseen circumstances. I am excited and definitely looking forward to crossing that finish line! How are you doing? Feeling ready?
    3635 days ago
    Hey Erica...
    You are amazing for really getting down to the bottom of why you are feeling hungry, when you are confident in thinking that you shouldn't be. Good for you! I would have had a really hard time resisting that candy.
    Life isn't always easy, especially when things start to change all around you and you feel like you're not changing. But that's not really true, though is it. You are making huge lifestyle changes that will only help you in the long run. Who knows, maybe you will meet a special someone out on a run sometime or at the gym or... who knows. Just be proud of how far you've come and what you are striding for. Sugarloaf is next week afterall! Are you excited? I am nervous.
    I hope your ankle gets better soon. Nothing worse than trying to run injured. Just behind my knee has started bothering me when I get up around 6 miles or so. I am hoping I can work through it next weekend.
    Hang in there... you're doing great. Keep your chin up. I am confident that things will work themselves out.
    Have a great week.
    3636 days ago
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