Working It Out
Thursday, May 05, 2011
Ok, so I've been on this diet thingy again for the past four days. The ticker said I've lost three pounds. Only eighty more to go!
To those of you who've commented on my earlier blog, thank you for your words of support. Some of you have opened my eyes to things I hadn't thought about, and some of you have offered your "ear" if I ever needed to vent again.
So, today, DH is in Orlando, working (thank God). Really been slacking on the housework, so I'm going to do that tonight. Vacuum and dust living room, vacuum and dust our bedroom. Kinda funny saying "our bedroom" when just the other day I wasn't sure if I'd ever sleep in there again. You see, in our house, it's usually me who sleeps on the couch or in the one of the kids' rooms when I'm upset. There has been so much happen over the past year that I understand if he's overwhelmed, but, dammit, I'm his wife, supposed "best friend" and he refuses to talk to me! Any time I try to talk to him, he either ignores me or tells me he doesn't want to talk. Right now, it feels like we're just roommates, and that's not what I signed up for. I also didn't sign up to be a slave, and that's what it feels like sometimes. Great, I'm starting to do it again, I think I'll listen to some pick-me-up music for a minute!
Ok, so on to something lighter. The reason I married him in the first place :) We had a mutual friend, she was my friend, and he was her, um, friend with benefits. We actually knew each other for like four years before dating. He finally asked me out on July 4th of 1999, went to the beach the following day, and pretty much never parted ways. He first told me he loved me a couple of months later, as we were going to sleep. He pretended he didn't say anything when I asked what he said. A couple of weeks later, he said it again, this time, he made sure I heard it, and I said it back.
He asked my mother if he could marry me that same year, the weekend after Thanksgiving. He wanted to be a gentleman about it (why'd he start then I'll never know lol). I told him we had to wait, it was too soon to marry. We did eventually get married, April 29th of 2001. It was a small wedding, at his mother's house, family and close friends only. With not a lot of money, it was better that way, not getting into debt so early in the marriage! We'd already had a daughter in November of 2000, she was our flower girl. Two more girls came, in 2003 and 2006.
Things of course are rocky in any marriage, and we've been able to work through most of it. I want so much to find out what has been going on with him. He says "nothing, I don't know. It's me, nothing about you" but...idk...it's just so hard not to think something is wrong with me, you know? People used to say how much happier I was with him, but that's stopped. I'm just hoping this doesn't end up like so many I know. I love him so much and want so badly to make this marriage work, but he's got to meet me halfway. If he's not willing to work things out, c'est la vie, I guess.
Alright, y'all, I'm off to clean, hopefully get my heart pumping with some Your Shape on the Kinect, and take a bubble bath :)