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Day 134: The REAL Mother's Day

Friday, May 13, 2011

"To have a child is to decide forever to have your heart walking around outside your body." --Elizabeth Stone

You don't have to be a mother to identify with what I'm about to say. Somewhere in your life there will have been a child, if not your own, then a niece, nephew, a sibling, the child of a neighbor or in a class you taught, a Scout troop your worked with, or a friend from your own childhood. You've seen that person grow up, you've become fond of them, you've wanted the best for them and feared for them during times of trouble. You've worried.

As many of you know, Himself and I have four children, two each from previous marriages. The oldest, my son, turned 30 in January. Coincidentally, the youngest - my stepson - turned 24 the same month. The range of ages is not great, and they have all long since become 'adults,' legally, morally, socially.

My daughter has a chronic illness that while not life-threatening certainly affects the quality of her life in just about every aspect. (I won't go into further detail in order to respect her privacy, but there is no cure, and I thank God it isn't terminal.) Tuesday she had a medical crisis that resulted in her having to be hospitalized overnight. Her partner was kind enough to let me know; except for emails and phone calls I'm too far from my children to be able to visit them - my last trip to the States was two years ago, and between the current economic climate in both countries, recent political events, and realities like our having the house on the market, the next trip could be some time in coming.

By nature I am not a placid person - calm, cool, collected is definitely not Kasey. I learned, after the kids came along, after a fashion, to 'act' calm and confident so as not to add to their fears and anxiety. After a crisis was over, after I was out of earshot - THEN I got hysterical.

So now that I have these... adults-but-forever-children-to
-me in my life, I mostly worry. They are good about keeping me informed and communicating and letting me know what's happening in their lives, but none of us can help the laws of physics, i.e., time and distance.

I spent most of Wednesday worrying, wandering back and forth from computer to living room, from phone to computer, from autopilot - fix lunch, fix supper - to playing solitaire to trying to maintain my sanity to - well, you know how it is.

This crisis has passed: she's home, feeling better, working with medical people, trying to regain some balance. I was fortunate to be able to spend a long time with her on the phone yesterday.

My head is screwed on just well enough (it is to laff) to know how much worse things could be, and how much worse things are for countless other people who are dealing with catastrophic illnesses and traumatic injuries and pain and suffering. How awful when it's someone you love, worse than when it's yourself.

Many of you have posted comments, sent emails, written notes, prayed, and waited patiently with me, holding my hand through this tenuous network we call cyberspace. My heart is overflowing, with relief that my daughter has improved, and with gratitude for all of you. Tomorrow will be a better day, but today has been better too, in large part because of you Sparklers.

Thank you, one and all. Thank you, more than I can say.

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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Kasey, I'm glad your daughter is doing better. The quotation you used at the beginning of your blog...so true. There is nothing quite so poignant or bittersweet as having adult children, loving them, being proud of the individuals they have become, and yet forever having those worries and fears and concerns that come from being their mother. What a mixed bag of blessings! And yet we wouldn't have it any other way.

    I remember when my daughter was living in Belgium and gave birth to my second grandchild, and I could not be with her and could not manage a trip overseas until my granddaughter was a few months old. It tore me apart to be away from her, from not being able to lend a hand, from not being able to hold my granddaughter as a tiny infant...and yet here we are 6 years later and they live only about a 30-minute drive away, and somehow we have all survived!

    Big hugs to you and continued prayers for your daughter...and for ALL our children!
    3209 days ago
  • no profile photo CD5233545
    Prayers are with you and family and so glad your daughter is home lol emoticon
    3209 days ago
    Since i have four (3 from me and one from him) ranging from 30-23, I am right there with you. Interestingly enough, one of mine has an illness that takes them out of the loop for indefinite periods. I can totally understand where you're at.
    Thank God she's improving. Even from a distance, she knows you love her and worry about her.
    God bless,
    3210 days ago
    So glad to hear that your daughter is okay! emoticon
    3210 days ago
  • REJ7777
    Time can just seem to stand still when we're waiting for news in that kind of critical situation. I'm glad that your daughter is home and that things are under control. It must have been wonderful to have a long chat with her!

    "To have a child is to decide forever to have your heart walking around outside your body." --Elizabeth Stone

    What an insightful quote! I'd never heard it before.
    3210 days ago
    Oh Kasey, I so relate--to these ADULT children! Hard when you can't be there when stuff happens!-- Good thing you are healthier now---as you can probably ""stand the stress"" better----even tho it probab;ly doesn't feel like you are at the time. --- You are a good Mom----- Stay healthy girl--as there will be more stress around the corner---- Big KUDOS to you!!!!! Glad things atre better now for yu!-Lynda emoticon
    3210 days ago
    Will continue to pray for you and your daughter......

    Worry, though, doesn't achieve anything unfortunately......it just uses our energy....
    Will pray the worry leaves you....

    My daughter is far away at present and facing some hard times...she is in Ethiopia with her husband....due back beginning July and hopefully with him however thye have to find another apartment as the rent has just been put up and she refuses to pay the increase for what thye have.....there is always something happening with our kids......


    3211 days ago

    Comment edited on: 5/14/2011 5:52:32 AM
    That is the thing about kids - they may grow up and be off living their own lives, but they are still your little baby. It is the strongest bond there is. I am just so glad to know that your daughter is home now and the outlook is encouraging. May you both rest easier tonight.
    3211 days ago
    I suppose that seeing one's own pain in relation to another's perhaps more serious circumstance is one way to keep from drowning in worry. But I am so glad that your daughter is home and has been getting good care! Each of us considers it an honor that you share your story and your pain. As mothers ourselves its ache is familiar . . so that we can also share your joy in your long phone call as well as in your daughter's improvement!
    3211 days ago
    No matter how old they are, they will always be our children---we will still see them in our minds as that precious bundle placed in our arms as babies or placed in our hearts as we take in other children into our hearts. It is the nature of Motherhood to worry and fret---even more so when we cannot be there for them physically. I remember when my oldest called me to let me know that his gf was breaking up with him-----he was in tears and admitting it was his fault----I wanted to be able to wrap my arms around him and hug and kiss away those tears and hurts---but there is a big gap between Florida and Maryland. Glad the news is better and that you got to talk a long time with her. Praying that she will be back on even keel soon.
    3211 days ago
    It's that motherhood thing. I pray for all mothers, everywhere... because we all share that worry over things we cannot control!
    emoticon emoticon
    3211 days ago
    That's what friends are for. My prayers are with you and your family, don't worry it's in God's hands, let him have it.

    3211 days ago
  • no profile photo CD9922996
    A close friend of mine went through something similar the last two days and, as he said, it's worse on all of us than on the patient, at least emotionally. How wonderful that your daughter is home and improving and that she has a mother who loves her so much.
    3211 days ago
    We never stop being mothers! My son is only 17 and still at home, but I can already imagine the angst I'll have knowing how fearless he is (and he wants to be a fireman!)

    I'm glad your daughter got through her crisis and is feeling better. Hopefully Mom will get a good night's sleep now!
    3211 days ago
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