Time for a Change
Sunday, June 05, 2011
It’s been a while since I have written anything and I decided that it was time to put what has been going on out there. I finished up my 100 day challenge at the end of April. I don’t know how much I ended up losing over those 100 days because I chickened out and haven’t gotten on the scale since then. I do know that my clothing size keeps changing. While I know it is a good thing, it doesn’t really help my budget. Unfortunately that means that while I have upgraded my summer clothes (I couldn’t keep my shorts or pants up), I still find myself clinging to my work clothes. It’s funny because when I was bigger the only size I was able to find when I was shopping for work pants were smaller sizes and now it seems that I can only find bigger sizes. This means that I currently only have 1 pair of pants in the actual size I am today but I make do with belts for now.
After the end of my challenge my life seemed to decide to take a turn and see how much could be thrown at me. The month of May was not one of my better months and that showed in the decrease in workouts and struggles in eating. Before I had trouble because I was an emotional eater, now there are times when I struggle to force myself to eat because I am afraid to fall back into old patterns. That and with everything else going on I just don’t have the energy or desire to cook and protein shakes have become a staple in my daily diet.
I know that I need to get back on my healthy eating and diet pattern and hopefully things will slow down and I can get where I need to be. After the re-emergence of exes, family deaths, and too many migraines to count I am ready for things to slow down and get better. Last weekend we ended up visiting my sister and her family and it hit me that I have grown resentful of most people in my family. I have been working so hard on trying to change myself and it has become evident that they don’t want to see me change. They want me to be the same person who did everything that was expected and put herself last but I won’t be that person anymore.
I have decided to embark on another personal challenger for myself. I figured out the diet and exercise part pretty well during the last challenge but now I need to work on the rest of me. I plan on taking this summer and getting myself back to where I was in April as far as diet and exercise goes and putting the energy that has been pulling me down the last month toward figuring out who I am and not letting those around me dictate who they believe I should be. This last week I have been putting some plans in place to help me figure things out. With the nicer weather I am now able to get outside more which helps me escape when my thoughts seem to go the wrong direction and get too heavy.
I made great changes the last challenge I embarked on and I plan on seeing the same type of results this time as well. I count on this being a good summer for me.