Pulling the trigger
Friday, June 10, 2011
Last night a dear friend called and asked me to change the venue for my next week's birthday luncheon with my Weight Watcher friends because the lunch special at the restaurant had gone up in price. Being the accommodating person that I am, I said, "Of course. It doesn't really matter to me," and proceeded to agree to another reataurant that we all really like anyway. Whoaaaa, girl, not so fast!! Within moments of getting off the phone, I was back out in my kitchen preparing the first of several peanut butter and Rye bread sandwiches, bringing each one seperately back to my bedroom to eat in front of my TV, and then going back for another. Then I began to recognize my behavior and backtrack to my point of "hunger" and landed at the phone call. I remembered that I was totally full and satisfied for the night when I headed off to bed, but then came the phone call. Well, my dear friend may as well have been holding a gun to my heart because the trigger got pulled and the memory shot a hole in a piece of my old baggage. the old suitcase filled with past memories and hurts that triggered so much emotional pain and binge eating. It seemed I was always being asked to lower my sights, to accept second best, to "make do" ( how did my motto become "making lemonade out of lemons???) and settle for what was good for everyone else but me. Well, you just never know when the past is going to smack you right in the face. I had agreed to change restaurants from my neck up, but in my heart I was being asked to change my hopes and desires for the good of all. (As the oldest child in a family of seven children, the sacrifices came fast and furious and it was a way of life.) I prayed about it, and then recognized what was going on. I talked to God and myself and saw that the present accommodation had nothing to do with what happened before, and since my friends would make the same concession for me, and I really love these gals, I could change plans and it would be ok. I could live with it and be happy. NOW, I am happy. And when I really got calm, I recognized that part of the spirit of our wonderful group is that we all look out for one another, and this is just a little change that I can make, not because I have to, but because I want to. The important thing is that we will all be together and have fun, and I will open presents and we will all eat cake and have a special time together. Oh! How I praise God for His wisdom, and the maturity He has taught and allowed me to have.
"Living through the trials and pushing on towards the prize......"