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Day 199: Photo Blog #18

Monday, July 18, 2011

Today's assignment is grim 'n' gruesome, to my mind. Day 18: "A picture of your biggest insecurity, and the reasons why it is the biggest."

My biggest insecurity is being poor, really poor - homeless poor.

The reasons range from things like not having the basics - shelter, food, warmth - to the effects extreme poverty has on health. When you're that kind of poor, who can afford doctors? dental care? glasses? Not just the extras that make life enjoyable, but the almost-necessities, like soap and toothpaste.

I know there are agencies that help, but I also know there are too many cracks in the system for them to compensate for everything.

When the ex-husband left, I saw just how supportive the system could be. Yes, I was entitled to support. It took them months to get it. He had a good job; they didn't have to search for him. But if the mills of God grind exceedingly fine, the wheels of justice grind exceedingly slow - when they grind at all.

I nearly lost the house - which was the only place my children and I had to live. The third-hand car I had was held together with spit and baling wire. We were living on cereal, and any help that we might have applied for was denied us because I had a house, even though it was mortgaged to the hilt and belonged more to the finance company than to me.

I know there are people worse off than I am. There were people then who were worse off than I was. I had a house, a car, food. My children were taken care of, not ideally, but at least we weren't living on the street.

I finally was offered a job, almost literally in the nick of time. I was so far behind on bills and payments that I never really could catch up, but I managed to hold on until the youngest finished high school. Then, selling the house enabled me to take care of the rest of the bills - and after that came the move to England, so it all worked out.

It was close, so close, and it has left me truly frightened of ending up across that line.


See why I said it was grim and gruesome? I'll have nightmares tonight, but I still look on the bright side: I may have bad dreams, but it will be in a comfortable bed in a nice snug house, where I'll be warm and dry. My heart bleeds for the ones who don't have that, and have only the nightmares.

All I can do is keep the faith and believe better days are coming, for us all.

Goodnight, Sparklers, wherever you are...

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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    3423 days ago
    Amen & Amen to that.....
    3424 days ago
    Living in Sweden it never enters my mind that I could be homeless.... but I should be aware that the welfare system has changed a lot during tha past years so it might happen nowadays - otherwise you do have to be a drug addict or alcoholic not to get any shelter.

    Have to think about my own fear now... thanks for sharing!
    3424 days ago
    Have I said before we were like sisters? Seriously, you just identified my biggest fear. I've never really been that kind of poor... but poverty is a HUGE fear factor... and probably why I am so career driven. And the fear of being old, unemployed, ailing and poor? Let's just not go there!

    Yeah, grim and gruesome, for sure.

    3424 days ago
    That is a scary thing---have to agree with the whole thing---dh lost his job when the 2 oldest were not quite one and 2--and still on formula---we had to switch him to milk and they gave us $5 in food stamps when we applied.
    3424 days ago
    Oh my Goodness Kasey--- What a terrible feeling ---- Well, it made you appreciate life I guess but a hard thing for you--I want to whack the guy that put you into that mess! Good thing you hava brain in yer head to carry on---I lived in the ""depths of despair"" for a year---- I left my husband (long story)- and took off to live on the east CoaST --stayed there a year--I certainly do appreciate my life now as I saw how fast one can slide into the poorhouse--I really saw a different side of life--- Anyway------ I agree---- that is a bad thing----- Good to know you girl----- Lynda from the north-- emoticon
    3424 days ago

    Comment edited on: 7/18/2011 5:44:57 PM
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