Coming out the other side.
Thursday, August 11, 2011
So for those that may not know (and I'm sure most of you do), there's a reason I've sort of fallen off of the face of the earth: I am, as of yesterday, divorced.
I will not go into detail as to what happened out of respect for my privacy and my ex's privacy, but suffice to say, the last few months have been life-changing for me. My focus was pulled into different places - weight loss NOT being one of them. I was in a bit of a dark tunnel. Making my way through, knowing the light on the other side was reachable, but still having to climb through the darkness and the muck in order to get there.
But finally, I've come out the other side, into the light.
I feel confident enough again to start focusing on myself and my health. I feel strong enough that I can rely on other "crutches" to get me through the tough times, instead of eating crap and lazing my day away on a couch watching bad reality TV. Did I handle things poorly and stop focusing on the progress I'd made? Sure I did. But life is a tough teacher, and I know the lessons that I always took the most from in school were the ones I had to buckle down and really work hard for. And this one was damned hard.
Not every day will be an easy one for me. I'm having to get used to living alone and not being in a relationship. I'm building friendships back up that I let fall by the wayside. I'm learning to live for me, and make my own schedules, and be my own best cheerleader and a little bit less of my harshest critic. I'll slip up. I'll have bad days. Sometimes I'll eat because of emotional reasons. Sometimes I'll ignore my workout schedule in favor of TV. But not ALL the time.
I can do this again. I won't give up on myself and my health, and I won't let the things I've accomplished get pushed aside to make room for bad memories or guilt. The things I have done cannot be taken away from me.
I'm confident. I'm happy. I'm enlightened. And I am so, so excited for my future.