DOLL2THEWALL

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Coming out the other side.

Thursday, August 11, 2011

So for those that may not know (and I'm sure most of you do), there's a reason I've sort of fallen off of the face of the earth: I am, as of yesterday, divorced.

I will not go into detail as to what happened out of respect for my privacy and my ex's privacy, but suffice to say, the last few months have been life-changing for me. My focus was pulled into different places - weight loss NOT being one of them. I was in a bit of a dark tunnel. Making my way through, knowing the light on the other side was reachable, but still having to climb through the darkness and the muck in order to get there.

But finally, I've come out the other side, into the light.

I feel confident enough again to start focusing on myself and my health. I feel strong enough that I can rely on other "crutches" to get me through the tough times, instead of eating crap and lazing my day away on a couch watching bad reality TV. Did I handle things poorly and stop focusing on the progress I'd made? Sure I did. But life is a tough teacher, and I know the lessons that I always took the most from in school were the ones I had to buckle down and really work hard for. And this one was damned hard.

Not every day will be an easy one for me. I'm having to get used to living alone and not being in a relationship. I'm building friendships back up that I let fall by the wayside. I'm learning to live for me, and make my own schedules, and be my own best cheerleader and a little bit less of my harshest critic. I'll slip up. I'll have bad days. Sometimes I'll eat because of emotional reasons. Sometimes I'll ignore my workout schedule in favor of TV. But not ALL the time.

I can do this again. I won't give up on myself and my health, and I won't let the things I've accomplished get pushed aside to make room for bad memories or guilt. The things I have done cannot be taken away from me.

I'm confident. I'm happy. I'm enlightened. And I am so, so excited for my future.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • JLOVEDAILY
    Just was checking in on some of my friends that I haven't seen in my friend feed (weird) and saw this...
    I am so very sorry that you are having to go through such a rough time!

    Wow you are a trooper! I am so glad to see your positive attitude and that you are taking care of yourself!!

    Big hugs!!
    3341 days ago
  • no profile photo CD5075073
    Love your realistic but upbeat take on life. It isn't easy and we aren't perfect b/c if we were, we would be a 30 minute sitcom. Stay focused on the end goal.
    3344 days ago
  • EILI359
    You will get through this and it'll get easier - just make sure you look after you now. emoticon
    3353 days ago
  • LEAN-N-LEXY
    Hugs, just hugs.

    I am on here hit or miss dealing with my own schtuff. Glad to hear a bit about how you're doing.

    As Jess says, mucho love.
    3357 days ago
  • ROWDYHOLTZY
    Wow! LOVE that you're turning what could be a cr@ppy situation into a opportunity to celebrate and nurture yourself! You inspire me emoticon emoticon
    3359 days ago
  • SUPERFRAISE
    Hey there, I just stumbled upon this blog, but am so glad I did. Your attitude is excellent and you're so right to keep in mind that "not every day will be an easy one." But I love that you know that your consistency and motivation will get you to accomplish whatever you're aiming for. I'm looking forward to hearing about your successes (and of course there are plenty of people here for you if you're feeling challenged). Best wishes.
    3359 days ago
  • JULES-AT-HEART
    I've been thru the big D and I know how tough it is. You have a great attitude and that will get you thru it. =]
    3361 days ago
  • MAGPIE17
    Love you, chickie. You'll get through this just fine. (me too!)
    3364 days ago
  • SLICKEM05
    Hey Allyn. I have been one of your fans for the longest. You always have the coolest pictures and blogs out there. You radiate light and personality even in the Spark People Cyber World...I can only imagine the blessing you are to your fam and friends! You are going on a new journey in life but you know what?? You have overcome obstacles before! You are wonderful, beautiful, unique, very funny and you are free to do whatever you want to do! Be blessed and empowered as you walk out your purpose in life. I am super duper proud. ROCK ON! Sharon emoticon
    3365 days ago
  • HOPEFULHIPPO
    Thata girl :o)

    Glad to have you back.
    3365 days ago
  • no profile photo CD1480519
    Positively, the best blog I've read today.
    3365 days ago
  • TIFFANIE150
    Such a strong woman! Glad to hear what you've been up to. I like what you said about not letting what you've accomplished be taken away from you.
    3365 days ago
  • _SASX_
    Strong and brave and bright, I gotta wear shades!

    Love you, babe! Congratulations!
    3365 days ago
  • LADYINOHIO
    Glad to see you back in the light~
    emoticon

    Mucho love, amiga!
    emoticon
    3365 days ago
  • BNSUHAS
    Your future is going to be soo bright!
    3365 days ago
  • no profile photo CD3838585
    GOOD FOR YOU!! it ultimately comes down to making yourself happy, and I KNOW you can accomplish that!! Your an amazing, strong person...and we are all here for ya no matter what it is!!

    emoticon emoticon
    3365 days ago
  • _SHARKBAIT_
    You got this!!!
    3365 days ago
  • REBHACK
    Very inspiring! Keep your chin up!
    3365 days ago
  • _TRIXIE_
    Your new perspective on "freedom" and having your life to yourself again is so inspiring. Thank you for sharing this little piece with us. I'm proud of you. So so very proud of you. There will be hills in the road ahead, but nothing you won't be able to climb. The big mountain is now in your rearview mirror. :)
    3365 days ago
  • NOTABOUTHEFACE
    Knowing a little about it and not caring how it looks to others... emoticon

    Knowing more about the determination and dedication you have within you to get this shizz done... emoticon
    3365 days ago
  • LULULUCY
    so so proud of you beautiful.
    3365 days ago
  • _DASH_
    one of the best declarations of independence i have ever read. CHEERS ALLYN!!! TO TODAY AND THE REST OF YOUR LIFE!!! Get it girl!!
    3365 days ago
  • no profile photo NEWYORKORCHIDS
    You're amazing, and you can do anything - ANYTHING - that you put your mind to!
    3365 days ago
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