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Karen & Dave's Not-So-Excellent Adventure

Friday, August 12, 2011

Let me start off by saying that I'm totally thankful for getting nominated for my first ever popular blog post (the Onederland one), and I'm so grateful to everyone here at SP for the constant support. I really write these blogs as sort of a stream of consciousness thing and I'm frequently an idiot, so the fact that people are interested in and enjoy my lunatic manifestos is extremely appreciated.

That said, today was an interesting day. I took a vacation day from work with the intention of taking a long bike ride, and we did. Sort of. We got to the trail around noon but the heat/humidity was actually pretty tolerable today, so our fear of melting was pretty minimal. Off we went. We got less than a half mile before Dave was like, "Hm, something doesn't feel right with my tire. I'm going to put some air in it." Off we went...again. At about the five mile mark he said that he needed to put air in it again, that I should just go ahead. And I did. I went about another five miles before I started to get concerned that he hadn't caught up (if he wanted to catch up, he definitely could - this was mostly all uphill so it took forever to go those five miles).

At the ten mile mark I turned around. I hadn't gone far at all before I saw him coming the other way, so he turned around with me and started the ride back. Then...BOOM. His tube blew completely. He replaced it. Literally a few feet later...BOOM. His replacement tube blew. This left him basically stranded, since he was carrying our only replacement tube. That meant walking the 9.5 miles back to our car. Let me tell you, walking that far while pushing a bike is not a fun experience. Add in the fact that for the one time in my life I had forgotten to hose my pasty Irish skin down with sunblock and it was a recipe for disaster. You know those movies where you see people staggering across the desert, trying not to fall down? That was pretty much what I assume it looked like. It takes a LOT longer to walk 9.5 miles than it does to bike them. Seeing my car in the distance is seriously one of my happiest moments in recent history. By the time we got our bikes loaded up it was well after 5PM. To say that we were beaten would be an understatement. Granted I burned close to 2000 calories according to my HRM, but I'd rather have done it pretty much any other way.

All I really wanted to do was go to bed and sleep until Monday morning, but I had made plans to meet some friends for dinner at a place called Cadillac Ranch (we're not country fans, but they have a mechanical bull that we enjoy watching drunk people fall off of). While I was getting dressed and since I was feeling physically unbeatable after my ride/walk, I decided to try on the Dress of Sadness again. For anyone who might be new, the Dress of Sadness is a little black dress that I ordered for my brother's wedding in June. When it arrived it was considerably smaller than expected, leading me to believe that whoever labeled the dress either made a huge mistake or is extremely cruel and thinks that mis-marking dresses/causing meltdowns is hilarious. The fact that this thing is marked XXL is, to quote Michael Ian Black, so mindblowing that it blows my mind all over my face. I had to buy a (second) new dress.

I decided that even though I'd have been absurdly overdressed, if DoS fit I would not only wear it to dinner, but I'd ride the mechanical bull in it. It's easy to make those kinds of brave statements when you know that there isn't a chance in hell that the thing is going to zip. Needless to say, the DoS still doesn't fit. It really doesn't even feel like I'm making any progress toward being able to zip it, which is crazy since everything else I own is getting much bigger. Yet the dress stays the same. Maybe it's some kind of haunted dress that was created with the express purpose of driving the potential wearer to the brink of madness. I don't know. I think next time I try it on will be around Christmas.

Also fun...when I walked into the restaurant my friend J - who was born and raised outside of Boston and has never been one to mince words - took one look at me and yelled, "Holy *expletive*! Your white *expletive* looks like a lobstah!" Apparently my sunburn is pretty bad. And I came home to find that Dave ate the sorbet I had been planning to eat tonight. I had literally been thinking about this sorbet all day, which may not be healthy but after the day I had I feel totally justified. I settled for microwave popcorn instead.

So yeah, awesome day.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • _UMAMI_
    Any shirts I buy from Target turn into shirts of sadness, even if I buy XXL, because they shrink like CRAZY! Not good for a tall gal with a long torso. (do not wish to rock the menopot, TYVM)

    Thanks for the laugh, and take care of your poor skin. I, too, am a pale, porcelain princess (and/or cursed w/ Irish melanin deprivation).
    3391 days ago
  • no profile photo CD5815518
    Oh, the Dress of Sadness. I am certain that it will fit you sometime; Christmas is a great new check-point for it. :) I had a similar problem with jeans today. Urgh.

    Likewise, I'm glad you survived all that! I hope you're slathering your poor sun-burnt skin. I, too, am pasty as hell and any sort of exposure of that length reaaaally leaves me fried. Plus, hey, 2,000 calories! YAY! I'm sure you'll be sore for a while, but at least part of your trip was worth it (even though you had to walk through shizz to get it, haha).

    Hoping your next experience with something like this will be better. :)
    3391 days ago
  • no profile photo CD5815518
    [Double-post. BLAAAAH!]
    3391 days ago

    Comment edited on: 8/14/2011 7:25:17 PM
  • HEALTHY156
    oh honey, what a day. I love your description of this dress, maybe when it is too big for you, you can burn it!
    3391 days ago
  • SYZYGY922
    You are hilarious (I'm a sucker for humorous tales of woe). I've had many a Dress of Sadness. I currently have a Shirt of Sadness. It's also marked XXL, but it's really more like a medium or large. It was in a pile of clothes I got for free from a friend. Now I know why she was giving it away!
    3391 days ago
  • CORDIA72
    This one definitely had me chuckling...drunk people on a mechanical bull, the bike ride from the twilight zone, the case of the heisted sorbet, and your friend's reaction to it all...hilarious!!! Thanks for sharing!

    Cordia
    3392 days ago
  • FANGFACEKITTY
    I feel for you, I've had similar trekking mis-adventures. But think of all the exercise you got in! Way to go!
    3392 days ago
  • LUCKYPRESENCE
    LOL!!!!! Great blog emoticon
    3392 days ago
  • no profile photo CD8092638
    I am not at all surprised you got a popular blog post award. I knew it was only a matter of time. I read every single one of your blogs. You are an excellent writer!

    9.5 miles is nuts... one time I went to visit my boyfriend in Erie, in the dead of winter, and we went for a walk and got lost. We ended up trudging 10 miles through snow and ice for about 4 hours. I don't even know how that's possible. Once I lived there, I was like, how the eff did that even happen? Erie is about the easiest city to navigate that I have ever seen.

    P.S. When I get a sunburn (I'm so white I'm almost clear), I like to put udder cream on it. It really works.
    3392 days ago

    Comment edited on: 8/13/2011 8:32:12 AM
  • LPETRO119
    Um, congratulations on making it out alive?! I hope D didn't hurt himself when the tires blew! I'm sorry you got so sunburned! Make sure you are increasing your water intake to compensate. I found this really great aloe vera at Walmart that contains lidocaine - really helps with sunburn! (Make sure to check the label!)


    3392 days ago
  • AUNTFANNYJANE
    I think you really did have an awesome day . What an accomplishment to do that long bike/walk trek!
    3393 days ago
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