I give up, and I feel fine.
Tuesday, August 16, 2011
Yes, it's true. I'm giving up. Not on everything - certainly not on eating better, and not on working out...for the most part. I'm giving up on one specific thing - running.
Last night I had a bit of an epiphany. I have come to grips with the fact that I just hate running. Hate, hate, hate. I get no enjoyment out of it whatsoever. I don't get that rush of endorphins or the feeling of accomplishment afterward. I realized yesterday that I was actually trying to come up with excuses to skip going to the gym because I was supposed to run last night. I loathe it that much. I was willing to miss abs class - which I enjoy in a twisted, not really fun way - just so that I didn't have to run. How counter-productive is that? I finally said forget it. I'm not going to be held hostage to the treadmill or a running schedule when I'd rather be spinning, strength training, or doing pretty much anything else. Having to run made working out feel like a chore, and that's the worst possible way to look at exercise.
So I gave myself permission to quit, and it feels like a load has been taken off of my shoulders. I thought that quitting would make me feel weak, but it doesn't. I feel fine about it. I just acknowledged and admitted to myself that I don't enjoy running, and I'm going to do things that I do enjoy instead. There's no shame in that at all. I may actually still end up completing the Couch to 5K, but it'll be on my own time. A run here, a run there when I am looking to mix up my cardio. Maybe I'll still have that "I love running" moment some day. But I don't expect it to happen and if it doesn't, I'm fine with it.
My weekend was a disaster in terms of working out. After the literal disaster/bike ride on Friday I decided that I needed Saturday off. I was waaaay too tired and sunburned to work out. Then on Sunday, Dave woke me up at 5AM and said, "I think I need you to take me to the hospital." He was having abdominal pain so severe he was curled up in the fetal position and moaning. So we got to the ER and they gave him morphine (thank goodness) and a CT scan. As it turns out, he has stones in his gall bladder. Since it's not his first attack - he's been having pain on and off for the last month, but nothing like this - the gall bladder has to come out. So he's supposed to call a surgeon today (or yesterday, really, but he never did) to schedule the surgery. Fortunately it's outpatient and the recovery isn't supposed to be too bad, but he has had the worst luck with his health over the past year. It's starting to get ridiculous. So needless to say, I didn't get to the gym on Sunday either. When we finally got out of the ER, dropped off his prescription, got something to eat, picked up his prescription and got some groceries I was totally spent. I barely got off the couch.
Not sure what I'll be doing for my workout tonight. Some strength training for sure, but I need to come up with some cardio since tonight was supposed to be a running night. I'd like to go to Spin, but to be honest I'm not sure if my butt could handle it at this point. After Friday it feels totally bruised all the way down to the bone. It feels better today, but I'm not sure if I want to chance sitting on a bike seat yet. I'll probably end up on the stair mill, gah.