great progress but loss of friends

Thursday, August 18, 2011

It's understood that you will not always agree with your friends. It's understood everyone has opinions. We don't always agree based on our own experiences and education (or lack thereof) depending on the subject.

I've lost two friends this week. One was an aquaintence that I didn't really respect to begin with so it is what it is. The other is a close friend I've known since elementary school. We've seen each other through marriages, children, divorces, and the single life. We've just experienced them at different times. She was in college living the single life and married later. I didn't go to college. I married and had a family early on...did not experience the single life. My children are teenagers while hers are still in elementary school. I'm in a stable long term relationship after my divorce and she's divorced living the single life again. So with that information you can understand that we haven't experienced life the same way.

Phases in our lives are not parallel to anyone else so we can never truly understand what the other has been through. We can relate to similarities but never know what they do. I did not "diet" after having children, I didn't eat a lot to begin with. Taking care of babies will wear you out haha and can be a workout in itself so it didn't take too long for me to lose the pregnancy weight...give or take a year maybe? And because I had children so long ago I'm in a different phase in my life. My children are more independent and don't need me to do everything for them. I have time to focus on myself and be a healthy role model for my children. Now, our friendship has become distant because of location and family obligations; it happens. We've grown apart over the years but have tried to just hang on to that friendship. It's one thing to grow distant and go your separate ways; it's another for a random burst of anger to come out of no where and name calling with no explanation of any wrong doing to cause the anger. Yes, unfortunately this is the way our friendship has ended and it started by my passion to share what I know and have educated myself about health and fitness. She's educated in numbers, taxes and such. She lives in a small town with limited resources. I live in a big city with everything at my disposal. People I socialize with are well aware of how long and why I've focused on my own health and fitness. I was thrown for a loop when an arguement and defensive behavior was the feedback I got from one of my MANY posts about women's bodies. A difference in opinion, mine based on fact, hers based on old myth. I will not let old myths hold me back and keep me or anyone I care for down. As women and friends we should empower and inspire, not judge. Somewhere a lot of resentment was built up on her end and our friendship is now over. She is not in the same place as I am and can't understand why I am the way I am now. So be it but at least talk to me about your concerns, don't blow up on me and give no explanation. Explain why I'm viewed as "obsessive". Passion and obsession have a very thin line and I am NOT obsessive haha I'm disciplined, focused, aware, goal oriented, open minded, educated...that does not equal obsession.

I've heard others (friends in fitness) experiencing this but I never thought I'd experience it myself. I don't want to walk on eggshells with people who don't agree with my views but if you're going to challenge me on something, have something concrete to back it up. Don't give me cliche excuses for having an opinion based on WHAT?! I have no problem accepting that my version of truth is possibly false or that maybe I understood something wrong but give me something to work with or don't bother. What irritates me about this situation is that she could not give me an explanation of why she felt such hatred for me out of no where. What did I do to her that made her so mad?! She can't answer that. I can't justify it and I don't want to waste my time on ignorance. Our friendship was growing apart and we didn't really have much in common other than mutual friends and being mothers. So I accept a loss of friendship and am moving on.

I used whatever irritation/anger to fuel my workouts yesterday and again today. I would like to just forget the event and not lull over it. I'm doing so well, nothing can hold me back. I do have other friends who KNOW me and are TRUE friends who support me. I'm on the brink of completing 3 full weeks of consistent workouts and spot on clean eating. I'm extremely proud of my progress and have faith I'll do well in this journey. I'm doing this for ME anyway ;)
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    SO sorry to hear you had to go through this... Some "friends" just don't understand. I wonder if they're just jealous and putting you down somehow makes them feel better... Stay strong, and definitely use that frustration to fuel those workouts!
    3511 days ago
    I just read this( I know I am way behind), it is hard when your paths with friends go different way. It has happened to me too. Know that they are people in your future and around you that share your views and passions. You ARE an excellent role model and think you have such a wonderful outlook on health and fitness. :-) XO sweetie!
    3546 days ago
  • no profile photo CD3514403
    I do feel like I'm experiencing similar issues. I don't enjoy going places and get drilled about not having a stupid drink or not eating what everyone else eats, it's my choice and they should respect that. It just get's old and I don't enjoy defending myself 24/7 or being analyzed as being obsessed. Just because I want to be a better mom, wife, friend, etc and not be down moody, depressed, that means I'm obsessed!??!??! Everyone around me thinks they need to drink to have a good time. I had the best time last Saturday dancing with my daughter at a dance reception with no ounce of alcohol. She can be my new bestfriend!!!

    I've also learned to start surrounding myself with girlfriends that respect my choices and decisions and are the same way!
    3587 days ago
    I'm sorry you lost friendships over this. I have actually gone through the same thing! "Obsessed is a word lazy people use to describe the dedicated." Keep doin your thing!!!
    3590 days ago
    emoticon Were they really "friends"? true friends stick by you and understand or at least try to understand where you are coming from. Her loss not yours! emoticon
    3590 days ago
    It is a sad reality that true friendship, the kind that lasts forever, the kind that can survive anything and everything that life can throw at you, the kind that can evolve right along with you without regret, without judgement, is truly a rare commodity.
    3590 days ago
    Sorry to hear you've lost a friendship over this. I've certainly faced issues in mine because friends confuse being committed to a healthy lifestyle as being obsessed. Fitness and nutrition are very important to me, but so is my job, my husband, my family and friends, etc.

    Look at it this way: if your dedication to your own healthy and fitness makes someone so uncomfortable that she loses sight of all other aspects of who you are, she isn't in the right mindframe to be a good friend to you anyway - and it very likely has little to do with you.
    3591 days ago
    Sometimes people just grow apart. I can definitely relate. Perhaps, maybe there may be a bit of jealously on your friend's part about the fitness aspect to lash out like that or claim that you are obsessed. But keep on doing what you are doing & what make you happy in the long run.
    3591 days ago
  • JENNY448
    You are doing great, and those girls are in your past!! Just focus on the future Julie because you are doing so well and you have the knowledge and motivation to get there. It's those types of friends that I rarely associate with anymore. They constantly tease me about my healthy habits. Even my sister will tell me I need to gain weight and maybe if I ate "normal" foods I wouldn't have any problems. So because I don't eat as much processed, boxed, convenience foods I am not normal?? i just don't even let it bother me. I exercise and I try to eat healthy and if they don't like it too bad.

    You are making new friendships and have many supporters- Just remember that!!
    3591 days ago
    Sometimes all you can do is refocus that energy into becoming who you want to be. I hope things work out. To lose a friend is a great loss. emoticon
    3591 days ago
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