MISSING MY MOTHER
Wednesday, August 31, 2011
I just lost my mother this pass May and I think I am beginning to miss her more with each passing day. I spent the last several years of her life either taking care of her or seeing to it that she was taken care of correctly. Being single caring for her in essence became the drive in my life. It was very stressful for me but of course I would do it over again a thousand times. I know Mother is in the best place she could be and I believe we will be reunited some day but now life goes on for me....whatever that means. I spent my life prior to taking care of Mother being a wife but I had become single just before she became ill nine years ago. Somewhere in the mix of things I just decided being single was easier than the hassle of a relationship and being heartbroken and became pretty much content. Now I don't know if I'm content or just lazy. I go to work and when I'm off I do nothing. I have heard generalized comments about life passing me by but I basically enjoy doing nothing but there is still a voice inside me saying that there is more I should be doing. I guess after being single for nine years and losing Mother I'm just sure not what I'm supposed to be doing. I'm trying to set some short-term goals for my finances and retirement but beyond that I have no plans and don't know where my life will take me. I miss having a companion to do the little things with like sitting together on the couch watching tv or sitting on the porch drinking coffee or going fishing but I don't miss the drama and arguments and being on someone else's time table. So just where does that leave me. All I can say is that me and my situation are in God's hands. He sees my future and I know he will reveal to me whatever I need to know and to do whenever I need to know it. Until then I will just keep taking one day at a time.