Wednesday, August 31, 2011

I just lost my mother this pass May and I think I am beginning to miss her more with each passing day. I spent the last several years of her life either taking care of her or seeing to it that she was taken care of correctly. Being single caring for her in essence became the drive in my life. It was very stressful for me but of course I would do it over again a thousand times. I know Mother is in the best place she could be and I believe we will be reunited some day but now life goes on for me....whatever that means. I spent my life prior to taking care of Mother being a wife but I had become single just before she became ill nine years ago. Somewhere in the mix of things I just decided being single was easier than the hassle of a relationship and being heartbroken and became pretty much content. Now I don't know if I'm content or just lazy. I go to work and when I'm off I do nothing. I have heard generalized comments about life passing me by but I basically enjoy doing nothing but there is still a voice inside me saying that there is more I should be doing. I guess after being single for nine years and losing Mother I'm just sure not what I'm supposed to be doing. I'm trying to set some short-term goals for my finances and retirement but beyond that I have no plans and don't know where my life will take me. I miss having a companion to do the little things with like sitting together on the couch watching tv or sitting on the porch drinking coffee or going fishing but I don't miss the drama and arguments and being on someone else's time table. So just where does that leave me. All I can say is that me and my situation are in God's hands. He sees my future and I know he will reveal to me whatever I need to know and to do whenever I need to know it. Until then I will just keep taking one day at a time.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Your blog definitely reminds me - of me.My mom is still alive, but I lost my dad 2 years ago today. We weren't as close as we should have been though. My mom and I are very close.
    I wish you well and will pray for you on your journey to health. Nadine emoticon
    3253 days ago
    So sorry about your mom.... emoticon
    3254 days ago
    Thanks for answering and for the support. The irises came up in one little spot on a fenceline in my back yard. I usually spray weed killer but didn't last year and these appeared.

    3262 days ago
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    I am praying for you emoticon
    3263 days ago
    Aside from recently losing my mother, your blog post sounds so much like me. I know all to well how it feels to just be content, knowing full well that i could actually go from being content, to actually being truly happy. It is a hard road to be on but for me at least, now is my time. I spent the last 20 years seeing to everyone else's needs and i have finally came to the realization that the time for me is NOW. Good luck with everything. Feel free to private post me if you ever need to talk or vent or whatever. emoticon
    3263 days ago
    Those are beautiful irises on your page!! Are they from your garden?
    3263 days ago
    Dear LouisianaGal,
    Here's a big hug! I lost my Mom 2 1/2 yrs ago and just 5 weeks after I lost my Dear Dad.
    It does get better! You will never stop missing her but life does begin to take a shape of it's own again. As the old saying goes, it just takes time.

    You are so blessed you have no regrets about caring for her. My Dear parents were in my home with my family and I. We were so thankful we could care for them and make their last days as best as they could be.

    I hear there is a grief support here on SP. There is also a Caring for our Loved Ones group. You are sure to have some insights and helpful info for those in the throws of caregiving, if you could bear it yet.

    Do you have a church home? I hope so, so much of my comfort came from being with my church family. Don't give up on yourself. Try to find something you enjoy doing that is active or uses your mind, more than just watching television as your only choice.

    Hugs and will be praying for you! Please post me privately if you want to chat more!
    Daddy'sGirl - because health wise I am so much like he was and I want to do something about it!
    3263 days ago
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