Now, don't get me wrong: I don't suffer from arachnophobia. I don't go into hysterics every time I see a spider, or even a generic creepy-crawly. But the idea of bug bites and stings is horribly repellant to me (you may remember my 'Fear of Wasps' blog), and added to that is the distaste for much of what insects indoors represent - as in dirt and disease, among other things, not to mention that whole negative statement on the housekeeping.
When I'm not wearing my glasses I literally can't see my hand in front of my face. (Stay with me here - it's relevant.) Sure, I see a pinkish-pale blob, but nothing distinct. Even my fingers aren't clearly fingers, merely amorphous sausage shapes without lines or definition.
So imagine my surprise when I was drying my face this morning and came up out of the towel to be presented with this in the bathtub:
I saw it without my glasses on. How big does something have to be for me to realize it's there? Oh, I didn't see it clearly - it was farther away than my hands, and I wasn't exactly pushing forward to get closer. But I knew from the size and color against the tub wall exactly what it had to be. And hollered for Himself.
Like I said, I don't suffer from arachnophobia, but demmed if I'm going to TOUCH the things, even through the relative safety of a kleenex.
He studied it a moment, commenting "Well, it's certainly a big 'un!" then proceeded to muse if he should get a jar and capture it so he could (in his words) 'get a proper look at it.'
"Uh, yeh, but in the meantime if you would--"
"That's one of the biggest I've ever seen. You know, it's probably a female. It's a good 2-1/2 inches across, with that leg span. Maybe it's so big because it's about to lay eggs."
"Forget the entomology lesson! Would you just--"
"Technically, it wouldn't be 'entomology,' it would be 'arachnology,' since it's not an insect but an arachnid and--"
"SHUT UP AND GET THE DEMMED THING OUTTA THE BATHTUB--!!!!!"
I love the man. You know I do. And sometimes I re-e-eally struggle to remember things like the waterfall and the whippoorwill and his taking care of me when I had my feet operated on and his support when I went back to the US for six months to look after my mother.
Later when I calmed down I said "Look, I'm sorry I shouted at you. I was getting tense and I was afraid it would somehow escape the bathtub and end up who-knows-where. I have no problem with spiders and other wildlife outdoors, out where they belong. I just don't deal with them very well when they invade my living space."
"No problem," sez Himself.
"Good. It's the only reason I married you, y'know. Ha ha. Bug-hunter extraordinaire. Courage in the face of danger. I think monster spiders will always zoo me out, but I'll try to get a handle on the shouting business next time."
" 'sokay" sez he. "I expect a little hysteria now and then."
People, that's a whole different blog, but... I probably deserved it, what with the crack about his spider-killing prowess 'n' all. Even so, I think there are days when no jury in the world would convict me.
And with that, it's goodnight, Sparklers, wherever you are!