RAZELLA

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What Happened to my Motivation? (Sigh)

Saturday, September 17, 2011

emoticon It started as just a few days.

Then turned into a few weeks. emoticon

emoticon And now I am realizing that it has turned into MONTHS.

What happened to my motivation?
When did tracking what I eat become a "too much" to do in a day?
When did exercising become "too hard"?
When did watching my caffeine intake become "too un-needed"?

Most importantly....

When did I no longer "deserve" to treat my body well?
To treat it like a temple?
To take care of it, care for it, and reap the rewards of being healthy?

And because this thing, this inside deep rooted THING has been allowed to slowly breath and breed for the last several months,
I am struggling to get rid of it.

I sleep a lot.... I feel tired.
I sleep a little.... I feel tired.
One cup of coffee, two cups of coffee, an entire pot of coffee.... I feel tired.
No coffee.... I feel tired.

Forget walks at work.
I don't anymore.
Forget drinking water.
I haven't been.
And forget eating healthy.
I eat what "feels" good.

Today, I scarfed down three chocolate donuts for breakfast, a large fry and bacon mcdouble from McDonalds for lunch, a large Dr. Pepper (intentionally not getting diet), followed by a HUGE bowl of mashed potatoes and Yogurt Butter (not the real stuff, my "no cholesterol" stuff) for dinner.

SERIOUSLY?

And I won't even attempt to recall the mass amounts of GARBAGE I stuffed down yesterday.

Just that by the time I went to bed, I was in physical pain from over-eating.

Seriously??????

When did this happen?
Why did this happen?
And will this brutally honest acknowledgement of face stuffing, confessing of laziness, realization of abuse nutritionally on my own body, will this be enough to make me open my eyes to what I had worked so hard to obtain just a few months ago?

And to want to fight to gain it back?

Right now, I don't know.

I'm hoping tomorrow..

That I will. emoticon

emoticon RaZella
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • RAZELLA
    Thank you both for your comments. After writing that and reading your comments, it really made me put things into perspective and think about it all. So for the second day in a row, I have used my elliptical trainer for 20 minutes. I am planning on making that a streak. I also started taking emergen-c in case my "under the weather" is from a lack in B vitamins and low immune system. Thought it might help at least yea?
    Anyways, thank you again.
    3298 days ago
  • no profile photo CD1035627
    Is it possible you are going through Depression? The tiredness is a huge blinking light in this blog, and I hope things are going okay. Maybe you need to speak to a counsellor to find out what happened to your Mojo, and where to find it again.

    I'm sorry - but glad you are writing about it! emoticon
    3300 days ago
  • no profile photo CD9900916
    I've had a bad couple of days. In the past few days I've had Pizza, Indian food, Chinese food and I've been on a crazy fudgsicle binge (eating several in a row).

    Reading your blog has inspired me to get back on track. I cannot let these past few bad days turn into a few bad months.
    3301 days ago
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