Even my feet are getting fat!

OK-so I started off strong but it faded fast. Then I beat myself up for failing again by overfeeding and indulging. Was depressed to return to a work environment that I dreaded and ate more. An injury stopped me from training for the Chicago Marathon. I wanted that so badly. I wanted to accomplish that because I didnt believe I could-no one did. And now I wont be able to. So, I ate more. After continuing to reinjure my foot, I had to admit to myself and my husband that I would not be running for awhile. And as suspected, I would not run the marathon.
Not this year anyway. But I will cross that finish line one day. But first, I need to cross a different finish line. I have gained 11 pounds since my original 5 pound loss. I swear my feet are even getting fatter! What am I doing to myself? I havent taken a family picture in years and my mother in law thinks its funny to try to get a picture of me. Interesting enough, she always seems to catch me on film near the food at the family parties. Today, I got some startling blood results indicating that my body is not happy with me and the choices I have made and it is fighting back! I am prediabetic, my heart is struggling and at risk for lung disease and other issues.
So, its time to run a different marathon. A "life changing" marathon. I need to do this. I want to do this. Maybe I wont get a medal, but I know I will get so much more! My family deserves for me to do this.
I am not going to lie. There are vein reasons--but they motivate me so I am ok with it. I want to be pretty! Is that wrong? I want to dress up and take a picture with my kids and husband that I will be proud to hang in my home. I dont want to run from my mother in law everytime she comes around with her camera.
And I want my feet to stop getting fat!! Seriously, the one part of my body that I thought would always be thin! Not anymore!
Feeling re-motivated, and re-energized---its time to start a new training. Hopefully this will lead to me crossing that finish line in Chicago next October. But for now, I am ok with the realization that you trully do need to learn to crawl before you can walk.
I have a lot of changes ahead. I am also a smoker and planning to quit that VERY soon! I need to find a way to work out that I enjoy and will replace my running. I have some walking dvds but havent stuck to them. Will get back to that tomorrow!! I know all of this is going to be hard, but I have amazing support from my sister in law (one of the most amazing people I know!!) and my family.
I can do this. I can do this. I WILL do this! But I cant do it alone and that is why I am so happy to be here. Thank you everyone for reading this and for your support. I cant wait until I will have my much needed success and can help someone who is feeling the way I do today!
Here's to another new start!