When the smoke clears

Sunday, October 16, 2011

This has been ruling my life since I got back....I keep telling myself that when the smoke clears I'll call friends, better organize my life, have a healthier diet, make plans for the future....and what I am finding is the smoke continues to shroud my sense of reality. This move from Brazil has been much harder than I ever anticipated. I think added to that has been that we are back in a house we never expected to live in again, I am back at a job that is somewhat familiar but truly brand new, we are back in a country that has changed so much....
I have contacted my closest friends so that has been good. I have seen family. I am working at a job that is challenging and rewarding but also frustrating and confusing. Our house is coming back together although still empty of furniture as we are waiting to hear about.....
yet ANOTHER move.
So, that adds to this sort of hazy, cloudy, confused existence of mine.
This is another reason I don't want to talk, blog, email people. I want to wait until I know so that I can communicate more honestly. My husband has asked me not to share this information because he may turn it down. When I ask for numbers he tells me the probability is 95%, when I ask him when he tells me after Halloween but before Thanksgiving. So...don't tell! It might not happen!
So as I work at this rigorous job that requires much long term planning with other teachers I just have to take it one day at a time. I know that someone can and will be found for my position. And I'd rather we move again sooner than later before I have a chance to truly get my heart broken by another round of goodbyes. And in truth as much as I love my city I was ready to leave it four years ago and that hasn't changed. we are.
Waiting, waiting, waiting for the smoke to clear.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Espero que tudo seja bem para voc^e.
    I sincerely hope that everything turns out well for you.

    I can relate to the frustration of the uncertainty and hope that it will be resolved soon. emoticon
    3216 days ago
    Minha queirida,
    Many of us are living "in between" lives right now. It is just a sign of the times.
    We are immersed in change and uncertainty on every level.
    While exterior circumstances will continue to shift, ebb and flow, you can find peace and stillness within. Meditation and prayer can help.

    All is well. Remind yourself of this when it gets too crazy.
    If you start to feel fearful, go for a walk outside in nature and see how God cares for even the little bugs. How much more will God care for you?

    3222 days ago
    Sorry about your uncertainty...
    I hope you can re-engage as the emoticon will never be here again.
    Namaste my emoticon
    3223 days ago
    cool background
    3224 days ago
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