When the smoke clears
Sunday, October 16, 2011
This has been ruling my life since I got back....I keep telling myself that when the smoke clears I'll call friends, better organize my life, have a healthier diet, make plans for the future....and what I am finding is the smoke continues to shroud my sense of reality. This move from Brazil has been much harder than I ever anticipated. I think added to that has been that we are back in a house we never expected to live in again, I am back at a job that is somewhat familiar but truly brand new, we are back in a country that has changed so much....
I have contacted my closest friends so that has been good. I have seen family. I am working at a job that is challenging and rewarding but also frustrating and confusing. Our house is coming back together although still empty of furniture as we are waiting to hear about.....
yet ANOTHER move.
So, that adds to this sort of hazy, cloudy, confused existence of mine.
This is another reason I don't want to talk, blog, email people. I want to wait until I know so that I can communicate more honestly. My husband has asked me not to share this information because he may turn it down. When I ask for numbers he tells me the probability is 95%, when I ask him when he tells me after Halloween but before Thanksgiving. So...don't tell! It might not happen!
So as I work at this rigorous job that requires much long term planning with other teachers I just have to take it one day at a time. I know that someone can and will be found for my position. And I'd rather we move again sooner than later before I have a chance to truly get my heart broken by another round of goodbyes. And in truth as much as I love my city I was ready to leave it four years ago and that hasn't changed. So....here we are.
Waiting, waiting, waiting for the smoke to clear.