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Had a thought...yep I'm thinking again

Saturday, November 12, 2011

This morning as I was exercising, wondered if I struggle so much with my weight loss journey because most of my life, since about 9 or 10 years old.....I have never been at what I thought was a normal weight......I remember starting 7th grade at about 112 pounds, I was called chubby.....not really teased by friends , but by family.....sad part when I started 8th grade I was went up and down over the years. I was 180 in high school...them at some point I was 318, I lost 157 pounds when I was 38....kept it off for years, well to be honest not really it started to creep up ...about 1 pound a month , then my relationship went down and look out .....I was up to nearly 350 pounds....

so in reviewing those habits is it a wonder I'm worried, scared and frustrated about my weight, it's all I have been focused on my whole life......I am now working on telling myself,....that I have tools now, knowledge now to never ever go back to those old habits....I have sparkpeople and all my sparkfriends.
My family really does not get it...they think now I am going over board....I worry to much, I hear things like, it's okay have lost the weight, eating this or that is okay.....NO it really is not okay, my Dad asked me if I will always have to obsess about what to eat or what not to eat....I tried to explain it's about portions and eating for fuel not for pleasure he laughed and said who stole my daughter and replaced her with this robot.....
it will be my personal struggle, like any other addiction.... and it does bother me that most people just don't get's not like I was 10 or 20 pounds over weight....

so as of today I am back to 149, so I'm getting back to my comfort zone, but today Gary is taking me out to eat for my up and coming Birthday......I am proud of myself at this birthday that I can say I weigh less now than when I was 14....

I'm learning that I have spent a lot of years and tears over my body.....about 20 years ago I was told I was more than just my I have to focus on that statement....

I'm going to look for this book today called..."50 ways to soothe yourself without food" by Susan Albers....My friend Jules has started a thread on the team Life is Hard Food is Easy, for some of the things in the "50 ways" book so join us if you like, we are doing this through the Holidays. for some the holidays started with halloween, well at least the over eating season has begun, would it not be nice to find a way not to turn to food when we have when will that ever happen..

okay time to shut up

Have a healthy day

Kitt emoticon
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    It's rough when your family doesn't understand why you wanted to lose the weight and why you don't just go back to being "normal". I've gotten some of the same reactions since I lost my weight. You've accomplished something amazing and special for yourself -- we're all proud of you and inspire by you! Thanks for sharing your thinking. emoticon
    2929 days ago
    Thanks for sharing your struggles. Food is an addiction . . . some people just don't get it. You are doing terrific! You've come a long way! emoticon
    2930 days ago
    Excellent blog, Kitt. Glad that you're finding the roots for why you feel like you do. Knowing the cause is another tool in fighting back and in succeeding with maintenance. You so totally rock and I can't tell you how proud I am of you! Big hugs!!!

    2930 days ago
    2930 days ago
    Thanks for sharing your struggles. It always seems hardest to convince family, doesn't it? I didn't have to struggle with weight until I hit my mid 30's but I can understand some of your trauma growing up. I had other self-image issues. I will definitely be checking out that book and team!
    2931 days ago

    Comment edited on: 11/13/2011 8:53:15 AM
    It is an addiction and must be treated as such. Not placing temptations out there in front of you.
    2932 days ago
    Kitt you are so right, it is your addiction and you need to be on your toes at all times, if you have a slack day you know you need to get right back at it the next day.

    enjoy your evening with Gary
    2932 days ago
    Happy birhday Kitt!

    You wrote a great blog about your journey to the new you. You are doing great. I see why you don't won't to go back to your past ways. You keep on looking forward and listen to your inner self.

    hugs, Cheryl
    2932 days ago
    I can't even begin to understand what you are going through, Kitt. I haven't gotten to goal yet, but when I do, I hope that I've learned from you. I think it's great that you review what has worked or not worked. You're doing awesome! You're my inspiration!! Have a great evening!


    2932 days ago
    emoticon excellent thoughts, concerns & restrospective understanding of where you were and are. My deepest hope is that as we continue to practice and have more time under our belt that it will begin to feel more comfortable, natural and hopefully easier. We likely will always have to be on alert and at some risk of diving back into food, but I have read that there's a tipping point, perhaps at 5 years where it gets better and we are at less risk... I am glad that you are pondering these things and pushing through the tough stuff! Keep at it and talking about it.... you help us all :)
    2932 days ago
    I think you have to do what you feel is right. One of my desires is to get to that 'normal' place where I simply eat, and not have so much emotional baggage attached to it, but that may never happen. I've been 60+ pounds overweight so I have different issues than you do, Kitt. Wouldn't it be nice if everyone [esp. our family] just let us find that place without hounding us. {{{hugs}}} Susan
    2932 days ago
    I can not understand your fear of gaining all your weight back..I have never been where you were but I do trust that you know you and that you are the best judge of what is best for you!! I believe in you!

    Have a great time with Gary and your celebration!! Happy Happy Birthdaay my dear friend Kitt!! emoticon emoticon emoticon emoticon

    enjoy you day -- trust the process

    oh yeas emoticon on being back down to your comfort zone!!!! excellant!
    2932 days ago
    Thinking, are you? Dangerous past time. emoticon

    Hang it there. We can do this!!!
    2932 days ago
    Great blog for me to hear right now. I struggled since about age 15 and know that going back to eat as I did will lead to where I was. There are lots of people who have been able to balance food their whole life and so they will never understand our struggle.
    2932 days ago

    It's one of the things that I struggle with, too, that I will need to "obssess" with this for the rest of my life.
    2932 days ago
    Those that have not walked in your shoes just don't know. I hear it all the time. Hang in there. I hope that there are occasions that you can allow yourself a treat. But if you cannot I understand. emoticon
    2932 days ago
    I look forward to the day when I don't obsess about food. Some days are easy and some are those white knuckle kind of days! I've gained 6 pds. in the last 6 weeks or so, but backing it down this week. I had lost 38 pds. and then stalled out and started to panic. I'm still down 32 I'm focusing on narrowing the gap today. Another first would be if one year my resolution was NOT to lose weight! I understand your fears and tears...we'll battle together, Sister! emoticon
    2932 days ago
    I hear you loud and clear Kitt.
    Loud and clear. emoticon emoticon
    2932 days ago
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