This Thanksgiving weekend, I pigged out, and I hardly worked out.
I told myself I wouldn't overeat, that I would only have a piece of pumpkin pie (which I worked out like a mad woman to earn last week), and that I'd work out every day but Thanksgiving. Instead, I ate everything in sight, including three pieces of cheesecake, almost an entire family size box of Chicken in a Biscuit crackers, and at least 6 dinner rolls (why did I buy all that crap anyway?) and only exercised 45 minutes the whole weekend.
The result - I gained 3.5 lbs. Shocking. Not!
I spent the weekend totally beating myself up, and then eating to sooth the emotional whippings I kept giving myself. I watched just about every movie on the Hallmark channel (damn you Countdown to Christmas!), and didn't shower on Sunday until right before bed.
I was thoroughly and utterly disgusted with myself and with the scale this morning, and feeling like a total slug and failure. I didn't track any of my food this weekend, and I have to face my health coach this morning, and I don't wanna!
I spend alot of my commuting time on self reflection, and was mentally berating myself again this morning, and seriously contemplating giving up, and resolving myself to being satisfied with where I'm at now. After all, I've accomplished what I consider to be an amazing thing (I've lost 100 lbs), I fit into my initial goal clothing now (2x shirt, size 16 pants), and I feel better than I have in years. So, why not just stop and be happy with what I've done and where I'm at?
Uh, duh, because I don't want to. Not really. I want to work harder, run faster, be healthier, shop in the misses section. I've been so busy worrying about external stressors, and berating myself for this nasty plateau I've been on, then consoling myself with my past accomplishments, that I've lost focus of who I want to be and where I want to go.
Well, that stops today. I'm going back to Stage 1, and refocusing on myself. I can get to that size 12 and 1X top (which has been my next goal) and I'm not settling for less.
So, I'm hitting the proverbial reset button, going back to tracking my food religiously, measuring my portions, and really pushing myself during my workouts. I've got this. I mean, after all, if I can lose 100 lbs, why can't I keep going? I'm worth it. I deserve it. I'm going to live my life for me, to be the me I want to be.
Who's coming with me?