So Hurtful - I think I need to thicken my skin
Wednesday, November 30, 2011
I'm so unexpectedly hurt by what I'm about to describe that I had to get it out somewhere. :(
A little background...I have a co-worker who I am very close to. I consider her a good friend. We both have the same job, but I had the job role first, and I shoulder the majority of the complicated portions of our workload. Not by necessity, but because she hasn't yet felt comfortable taking on more complicated tasks.
We recently got a new manager, and the expectations, workload, and stress levels of our jobs changed tremendously. To the point neither of us have the skills or apptitude the new manager wants. We were both uncertain and miserable. We'd talked about how we both stay in our jobs because of each other, even though we are miserable, and how we are each holding the other back in that way. We talked about how we shouldn't do that, and that we should get out, and that if one of us gets out before the other, we should try to find a way to take the other with us.
Then she was diagnosed with cancer. Not just a little cancer, if there is such a thing, but Stage 3 Endometrial cancer, requiring a 41 day leave of absence, and likely 6 to 7 months of chemotherapy and radiation.
I shouldered the work burden for both of us while she was out, but while she was out, my dream job opened up in another department in our company. Jobs of my pay grade don't open up here often, and this is literally my dream job.
I agonized over the decision to apply. I feel like a terrible friend for doing it, but I applied for the job, was offered the position, and bittersweetly accepted it. I move to my new position on 12/16.
She's been passive aggressive about my move, and I don't blame her a bit. If the situation were reversed, I'd be angry at her too. Heck, I'm mad at myself for doing it, but we're talking about my health and my livelihood here. Those have to come first for me.
Any way, my co-worker came back to work temporarily today, in seemingly good spirits. Then she and two other of my close coworkers snuck off to lunch without inviting me. Normally, we'd all go to lunch together, or if someone was going with someone else, they'd invite the others and give them the option of declining. Nope. Not today. They planned their lunch behind my back and made a point of leaving their desks at different times so I wouldn't know. The only reason I found out was because we had a system failure while they were gone and I was called upon to handle it.
I'm so hurt by this, you can't even know. Logically, I know my co-worker probably needed to vent about me and/or my decisions, and the others went along with it because she's in a fragile state right now. But, that doesn't make it hurt any less.
I'm just sad about the whole situation, and want to eat cake. Lots of cake. :(