I can do this one little thing
Friday, December 09, 2011
So here it is Advent III almost, and I'm pretty much where I was at Thanksgiving in terms of weight, blood glucose and goals. NOT good. I'm still not tracking food, but I am checking my BG more often and it's staying pretty stable, thank goodness. I'm also seeing the scale moving a teensy bit, and it's going down instead of up. Until this morning I'd felt lousy about my lack of faster progress--but then I realized how incredibly hard I know it is to maintain, and that I AM maintaining and doing well. I dont' even feel deprived or beaten up by what used to feel like miserable choices I was having to make. I'm so glad about that!
I've had to back off exercising since I got a hernia, and it wasn't exactly small. They can't fix it for a while though because in my time in the ER for it they also discovered my hemoglobin had dropped mysteriously to a 7 again. Not good - and no one will operate on a hernia until that's higher. So, no weight training, no jogging, no exercise videos. I can walk, but even that is hard with low hemoglobin--I can do short walks without much hill or on a treadmill. We're going to get one after Christmas when the sales hit I think. It's too icy for too much of the year here not to. But this is all stuff I CAN work around and am starting to see that as a good thing, not an excuse to avoid it. That's a huge change--even if it doesn't always feel like it.
Okay, tracking food. It's hard because I don't want to face up to going over my own limits. How dumb is that? No one but me has to see it (though my endo doc gets to when I see him) and no one but me is accountable to me. Why so hard then? It's like only having mirrors in your house from the neck up--we don't see something so it doesn't both us as much I think. My calorie counting is a metabolic full-length three-way mirror! Time for a better look at myself, and just like I appreciate seeing myself now 52 pounds lighter in a real mirror, maybe my calorie and carb one won't be so bad either.
Finally - it's time for "boosts." those things that help along the way. And I DON'T mean food! But I think I've slid back into using it as such a little bit lately. Just changing my desktop screen picture on the monitor can help me shift my mindset, and I can do that so easily! Also on my phone. I can make sure I have things to eat in the house I like and that are healthy. I can move my clothes that fit better to the top fo the drawer, and get rid of things that don't. I can enjoy non-food pleasures like nice lotion, good reads, Words with Friends, Sparkfriends, looser clothes, dogwalks, and more. And seldom in my earlier life did I have the insight to start so many sentences with "I can"!! So yes, I can do this. I just have to employ the tools I know will help instead of the ones I know do not. I can do that.
So can you.