I will always be fat... A journey to my inner skinny bitch
Saturday, December 10, 2011
I'm not good enough- I'm not pretty enough- I will always be fat- I can't be successful- I'm not loveable... blah blah blah yada yada yada!
These are my "beliefs". Why is a chair a chair? A chair is a chair because someone MADE IT UP, said it was so, and it was so. These beliefs I have ARE MADE UP. Yep... I did that, I made all of those things up... I know right why would I do that! I believe these so strongly that I MAKE them so! As a human being I LOVE to be right.
I start diets, crafts, projects, work and I don't finish. Why? I don't finish things because I believe I'm not good enough, and that I will always be fat. I start my lifestyle change and don't follow through because I believe I will always be fat and what do I want as a human being? TO BE RIGHT! So what do I do... I sabotage my efforts. I eat food I know I shouldn't eat. My brain then says "Amy, see what you did... YOU'RE FAT, you will always be fat! Everything you start you fail at. You just aren't good enough."
Unfortunately for my brain... my heart says otherwise. Unfortunately for my brain I have a terrific life coach!
So what is a fat girl with fat girl beliefs to do? How to I locate my inner Skinny Bitch? I trick myself. I walk, talk, act, dress and think SKINNY! I then do something that I think is hard, something I think I can not do! One week, short term, no calorie counting, just cutting out bread, soda, cheese, and sugar. I will be eating LOTS of raw veggies, lots of greens, protein, and drinking water. Not too bad huh? seems hard as heck to me!
Anyway next sunday the 18th when I go to sleep I will have WON! I will have won ONE battle of many to come. My brain is going to FLIP OUT... all of a sudden my brain is going to realize it's wrong! My brain will begin thinking "Hey, maybe you can do this, maybe you are good enough, and maybe just maybe there is a skinny bitch in there somewhere!"
You may say... DUH AMY! That's so simple... and it does seem very simple, but retraining 24 years of thinking I'm not good enough isn't as easy as it looks! So here I go gearing up for The War Against Obesity. The first battle will take place over the course of a week... and I WILL WIN!!