KITT52
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A food Addict

Sunday, January 08, 2012

Once again I must admit I am addicted too food....I think about food all the time, what I will eat and what I won't eat....How will I get through the day not wanting or craving food that is not good for me....How will I not over eat, once I get started it's hard to stop, so I always always measure and portion all my food..even fruits and veggies...sometimes it seems over whelming and I get frustrated and sad about the fact that "WHY AM I THIS WAY" "WHAT DID I DO TO DESERVE THIS"....

I notice most people don't think about what they eat or how much....Gary was watching football yesterday and I offered him some snacks, he said no thanks not hungry.....I can't imagine not snacking while watching playoffs and I don't think the thought of hunger would even come to my mind.....
I gave it a lot of thought and soul searching, as to what makes me this way, why oh why is food so important to me....am I so different than most people...how and why have I let food invade so much of who I am...I love to cook, I love to eat, I love to talk about food....I like to try new foods, at times I even smell foods that are not there..I smell cinnamon rolls all the time yet I have not eaten one in years maybe 8 or 9 years....but everyonce in a while I can smell them baking.....do I have PTSD....is it possible to have food flash backs.....I know it seems funny but is it possible....
I eat when I am bored, happy, sad, frustrated, angry ..you name the felling I can eat....the last few nights I have even woke up hungry, that has not happen for year...good thing is I did not eat, I did not even get out of bed, told myself to knock it off and sleep, NO FOOD is needed to sleep......

guess once again I am thinking and wondering what is wrong with me, knowing that after all this time that I will always be addicted too food, that is not going to change ....what has changed and will continue to change is how I deal with my addiction....I don't go to fast food places, I don't keep trigger foods in my house, I have found healthy foods that will nourish my body not harm it....I will use the tools I learned from Sparkpeople and friends I meet here to keep me on the right track....I eat 6-7 times a day, I count calories, I drink lots of water and green tea....I don't drink my calories....I ask for help when I need it, I blog here to help me get over my feeling that no one understands....
I find ways to keep busy and stay active, I exercise most days....I thank God and ask for strength to get me though yet another food struggle....

so I know it can be done, some days are harder than other, some days go better and some days don't, , I'll never give up, I'll never let food control my life....I'll never stop the fight for my health.....I know this journey has no end, there is no finish line where I can say "all right I'm here"...my battle and struggle with food will be with me for ever and once I fully embrace that maybe I'll feel better....may not all I know for sure is I'll never stop trying...

Lets all have a healthy week...plan on it

this picture gives me strength everyday to keep going, to never give up....no matter what


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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • WOLFKITTY
    Thanks for sharing with us the struggles and triumphs of maintaining!! I can't say that I've been able to read that anywhere else.

    THANK YOU!
    Jocelyn
    2864 days ago
  • NASFKAB
    Go on you are wondeerful
    2866 days ago
  • MADMARE
    Like you, I am obsessed with food. I love to eat, love to cook, love to try new foods and international cuisines, but I don't think of myself as an addict. I use cooking as a creative activity. I enjoy coming up with new ways to use the vegetables from our garden to come up with something delicious and different, even when we've been harvesting and eating the same vegetable for weeks at a time.

    I think most men don't have this attitude toward food. Maybe it is because in most households women are the primary "keepers of the sacred cooking flame" If we don't plan the family meals for the week, no one else will. Planning for healthy eating is a complex business. You have to consider health factors, flavors, and the food budget, what's on sale, or being picked from the garden, what foods family members love or loathe. After awhile you develop a bunch of tried and true recipes to fall back on which makes routine food prep and shopping easier. When you make a lifestyle change to healthier eating you may need to makeover old favorite recipes, and try new ones. The non-cooks in the family just have to show up and say "What's for dinner?" and food magically appears on the table. If they like it you might get a compliment, if they don't like it you are sure to hear complaints.

    I read your profile and was impressed at your determination. You truly transformed you health and your life. Stick with Spark to steer your course through maintainance, and so you can keep the rest of us motivated. Losing weight slowly is sometimes frustrating, but it makes it easier to keep it off. emoticon
    2866 days ago

    Comment edited on: 1/12/2012 10:35:26 AM
  • WARMSPRINGDAY
    emoticon emoticon
    2869 days ago
  • LIFEWALK
    Kitt, yes, you can have food flashbacks & dreams... when I was quitting sickerettes, I would wake up able to smell and taste them, it was that real. It happens with food too. The brain/chemicals & hormones are powerful drivers, please don't blame yourself for what is. You are doing everything you can and you are winning! Keep acknowledging the struggle when it is hard! Hopefully you will experience more better times than hard times and the hard will taper off. It did for me with sickerettes, I am hoping it will with food too. We'll see... I still have a long ways to get to maintenance, and am always thankful you are here sharing your story. Hang in! (hugs)
    2869 days ago
  • BYHISSPIRIT
    Hi Kitt, I haven't logged in a very long time, but I always keep you in my prayers and think about you. I feel privileged to have watched you over these years and know that you can do this. God's grace is truly sufficient.
    I am doing WW right now and the Lord's Table and having to be accountable has helped. Eventually I'd love to get back to Sparkpeople. Find me again on Facebook if you want to stay in touch. Let me know if you need my name to do that. God bless you and stay the course!!!
    2870 days ago
  • 4A-HEALTHY-BMI
    Like NELLJONES says, sometimes it's one day at a time.

    Heck, for me it's sometimes One Hour At A Time.

    I can relate to the urge to eat at night...
    emoticon

    Fight it, sweetie. With everything you've got. You're worth it!

    emoticon
    2870 days ago
  • HEALTHYHAPPYDEB
    emoticon blog Kitt! I am still working towards my goal and I have just recently come to terms with the fact that I'm a food addict and this is not going to ever go away. Thank you so much for writing this blog and my prayers are with you as we learn to live in peace with food.
    emoticon emoticon
    2870 days ago
  • DEEDAYE
    I identify with your struggle since I am a food addict too. Thanks for sharing. emoticon
    2870 days ago
  • MELLYBEANS0919
    I agree that often food is taking place of something we want that is emotional. Whether that is love, happiness, not being bored, or tired, etc. I eat emotionally, it is a hard struggle to fight it and win, but it can be done. One day at a time. I used to eat even when I was full. I just needed it. You're in my thoughts.
    2870 days ago
  • RAINBOWMF
    I truly LOVE you Kitt.
    Mary
    2870 days ago
  • CRYSTLE4HIMTX10
    We have a lot in common. emoticon
    2870 days ago
  • TMW54812
    I learned I am a food addict 30 years ago in OA. Working the program made it possible for me to loose 100 lbs and keep it off for 10 years ( with several brief relapses). The next 14 years of frequent world travel made it impossible to work the program. Six years ago I retired to my vacation home in NH mountains which is far from any OA groups.
    But then I found SP. The guidance, tools and support has saved my life. I am down 75 lbs and am very hopeful I will Make goal weight one year from now.
    Hope is the most powerful force...it means I believe I will be successful...I believe,.. because good people like you are so willing to share their strength, struggles and experience with me.

    Thank you for your very generous gift of honest, open, sharing...I promise to "pass it on"! emoticon
    2870 days ago

    Comment edited on: 1/8/2012 4:31:54 PM
  • SECRETMUSIC
    There was an article on NPR this week about why these cravings happen, and it is physiological, not psychological, although that may come into play as well. I am wishing to live long enough to see all physicians treat obesity as a disease instead of lack of control. It appears the battle is, as you've pointed out, never "won." There will always be hard maintenance work, and I am so proud of how well you do that work. Thanks for blogging!
    2870 days ago
  • YAFENELRA
    I am so like you, Kitt. Whenever I would decide to go on a 'diet', the first thing I would do is haul out the cook books. It's all about food!! I have gotten a bit better but I am still addicted and like you there are some things that are just never going to be in my house ever again. Tell, Gary that hunger is not a prerequisite for having something to eat. LOL But then again, I guess it should be.
    2870 days ago
  • SHANTODD420
    Hey Kitt,
    I am also a food addict. I can walk by cookies and things at the mall. I feel like by looking at food I can gain weight. You look so amazing and we are all so proud of you.
    2870 days ago
  • BARBARAROSE54
    great blog Kitt. It's awful to think food 24/7 but I do it too. Food Addicts. But am proud of how you continue to stay on track and stay at a healthy weight.
    2870 days ago
  • KATHYJO56
    emoticon blog, Kitt!!! I too, am a food addict and it's not a good feeling for me to be one, let alone admit it. You have put all of my thoughts into words that are hard for me to say. When I see my before pictures, I don't even know that woman anymore. Thank you for sharing this today! emoticon
    2870 days ago
  • RAINBOWCHOC
    Addictions come from trying to fill a hole...and the good feeling the thing gives us in temporary relief. If it's possible for you to get professional help to identify the reason for the need you may find some relief from the addiction.
    There is "overeaters anonymous" and a 12 step programme, but may not be a group in your area if you are not near a city.
    best wishes for your journey to good health
    Sandra
    2870 days ago
  • CJSARGENT1
    I an also a food addict. I never seem to get full and am always ready to eat. Your blog made me cry....Your frustration is also mine. Thanks for putting words to my feelings.
    2870 days ago
  • MAGGIEROSEBOWL
    Oh Kitt--you speak for so many of us. We think, "Will this stupid addiction ever end, will food ever become less important to me, will I ever be able to not think about food 24/7, will it ever get easier?"

    I think you have come to the right conclusion. We are in this for life. It will never get easier, we just have to remain dedicated to fighting the battle in order to keep the weight off. I was wondering the other night, if I make it to 80 years old, could I quit practicing the self-discipline in regards to eating that I TRY to practice now? Can I just let myself go? I mean, I hit 80!

    But then I'm sure IF I get to 80, I will want more years and hopefully will have the wisdom to realize my healthy habits are what got me there, so I just need to keep doing what I've been doing. Sometimes I read about people who have a "cheat day" once a week. Since I seem to be gaining weight without having that "cheat" day, I'm thinking that is not in the cards for me, as tantalizing as it sounds. I have to practice restraint every single day of my life, and evidently more restraint than I have been practicing. Right now--I'm thinking an orange would be a good mid-afternoon snack. It's better than a bag of chips or a chocolate bar!

    LOVE your blogs, they make me realize IT CAN BE DONE!
    2870 days ago
  • SOCKITTOME
    I'm with you, Kitt. At one point I didn't believe there was such a thing as food addiction, but then when I start on a binge I realize we are probably no different than alcoholics. Food is our drug and our behaviors are similar. I keep hoping to wake up and like normal people (just eat what I need to eat and not have all the cravings and constant thoughts about food). Will it ever happen? Beats me. In the meantime, you have done a wonderful job and just keep on trucking, girl. One day at a time...
    2870 days ago
  • LAINIESNEWLIFE
    Kitt, I don't think this is strange or unusual. I'm sure that this is probably what an alcoholic or drug addict would go through once they got clean. In your case, it was getting to goal. Talking it out on this blog or with family and friends is a great way to deal with this issue. I really don't have any answers for you. As you know, I'm still struggling to get my weight off. I do find when I stay busy, I am less apt to thing about food. Just keep coming here and talking it out with us. I'm sure that this will help from driving yourself crazy. Take care!

    Hugs,

    Lainie
    2870 days ago
  • HEALTHYASHLEY
    I feel this way too. I will always have this obsession and it hurts me sometimes to think it will never go away. It would be nice to have the ability to just eat when I am hungry.
    2870 days ago
  • ANGELRED4KIDS
    This is very profound. Thank you so much for being so honest here. It may sound weird to say but it's good to know that you still deal with this after all this time. It helps me know that I am not alone and that anything worth having is worth the work. Thank you!
    emoticon
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    2870 days ago

    Comment edited on: 1/8/2012 1:37:38 PM
  • HAPPYSOUL91
    food played a major role in your life for so long, you have now emptied the bucket but you do need to fill it with some enjoyable events and not weight related.
    2870 days ago
  • -POOKIE-
    I think a lot of us who got to the weights we did HAVE to be food addicts in some way or another.

    I know its something I struggle with, I have had to give up visting websites I like because the thinking of food so much makes me easier to break down.

    I am struggling right now with remembering how good food makes me feel, good food = good feelings, healthy feeling and happy.

    Im using my current frame of mind to plan out trying new recipes over the next few weeks, instead of being in the rut of the same things every week.
    2870 days ago
  • TRAILWALKERJO54
    ahhh Kitt wish I had your answers for you.. I do not think you are alone here though --lots of people here are addicted to food ...that is why we are overweight...
    But like an alcoholic I (not really sure) hope it gets better as years pass .. the need will always be there but the control will be second nature to help you through the rough days..

    All I can do is be here when you blog or reach out and let you know I am with you ..all the way..

    Food is fuel ...
    remember
    I believe in you
    2870 days ago
  • CALVIND
    Your not alone. I think about food all the time also. I know it will be a struggle for me also. I don't have as much to lose as you did but i still struggle. i have around 30-35 lbs to go and i am struggling to get it off. I know I have to exercise more and not to go over my calorie range like i have been lately. We have the knowledge and determination to be healthy. I know this will be the year for me to reach my goal. You have been an inspiration to me Kitt. Keep up the great work on maintaining.
    Brenda
    2870 days ago
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