Wednesday, January 11, 2012
Woke up early this morning, frustrated. I have a wedding picture hanging on my wall next to my bed. I looked at that beautiful girl and you know she really was beautiful and never knew it. She was at a healthy weight but her body issues kept her from realizing it, she always thought she was "fat".
I began to think back about the time in my life when I was the happiest and most healthy. It was in my third year of marriage. We lived in Houston and I was in graduate school. I had to drive to UH an hour away. I had to leave early to beat the traffic, and would sit in the student lounge and read my bible and get my homework done, then have coffee and food out of a machine! I would go to class then, practice (I was a musician) then go to the lounge again and have a sandwich OUT OF A MACHINE. Then I would practice again till traffic was thinned out and either go home and have dinner with the Hub or go teach; grab a quick sandwich as I headed out to a school to teach until 8pm or so then get home between 9:30-10.
I never had desert things in the house back then, no "diet" foods... just food. I didn't think that this food was good or bad it was just food. We ate protein, veggies, bread...the basics. But I was so busy that I didn't have time to focus on food. Food was fuel, period. God was the center of my life and I really lived back then. Now it seems like food is all I think about. From the time I wake up to the time I go to bed, my mind is ALWAYS on food, and by tracking every single calorie it's been WORSE!
Some have suggested that I start a list of activities that I want to take up to help get through the empty nest process which I have done. Excellent advice. Perhaps if I jump into some of these things that I've wanted to do I will focus on those activities rather than food. I think I need to get back to the basics: God, family and life. There was a time when I had my priorities in order, I need to get back to that place. Eat to live not live to eat. I feel like food has ended up my "god" somehow and that is just wrong.
Time to re-examine my priorities and change my focus.