I lost myself and gained 18 pounds, but I'm BACK!
Wednesday, February 01, 2012
Oh god. I stopped. Just stopped. I stopped logging my food. This was WAY back, maybe a year ago. I got lazy? Apathetic? Resentfull? I'm sot sure, probably a little of each. I've been on SP for nearly 4 years, logging every drop of food and every ounce of sweat. I was tired of thinking about it. Tired of calculating.
To make things worse, I injured myself with some combination of training for a half marathon and shoveling the incredible amount of snow New England got last year. (yes, last year, but really the end of 2010). Being the stubborn Irish woman I am, I only half hartedly sort treatment and was even less cooperative with my treatments. Needless to say, I didn't get better and my hamstring/groin pull turned into a back injury. That was all I needed. Good bye cardio, pilates, strength training.
Now I was really resentful. Maybe angry and probably a little depressed. And, it started to show on my body.
Every week that passed caused my pants to be tighter and my eating to get worse. Isn't that ironic? Your ass is growing and you know you need to curb the eating, but I turned to food. And, my most recent revelation? I turned to a glass or two of wine, which lowered my willpower to make good choices and increaed my after dinner snacking.
Anyway, last week, I had a nightmare. I woke up in the middle of the night sweating and disturbed. I was over 200 pounds again in my dream. It was so real. It was depressing, heart wrenching and embarrassing. There are actually many people (including my son) who don't know THAT girl. And I can not, will not let her come back. I also realized, in that crazy, anxiety ridden 3:00 am hour, that i knew what to do and that it was my choice that things were completely out of control. I needed to engage myself, reconnect to spark people and stop just talking about eating better.
I weighed myself the next day. 172.5. Oh god. I need to loose 18 pounds to be where I was a year and a half ago. How did I let this happen? I stopped talking to myself in a self pitying, regrettful way and decided to take charge.
I'm proud to say that I'm making progress. I've been testing myself on the treadmill and finding that at a 30 minute jog, my hamstring/groin is quiet and my back seems to be okay. (huh, the doctor's recommendation to rest may actually have worked...). I'm making better food choices and started the 30 day shred this week to help with cross training. I've set a reward for a 5 pound loss to keep me going, and I'm cruising Pinterest fitness boards and SP at night too maintain my motivation.
So, here's to my mini journey of 18 pounds, a smaller ass and that half marathon. I'm accountable again--- don't you dare let me forget it! :)