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I lost myself and gained 18 pounds, but I'm BACK!

Wednesday, February 01, 2012

Oh god. I stopped. Just stopped. I stopped logging my food. This was WAY back, maybe a year ago. I got lazy? Apathetic? Resentfull? I'm sot sure, probably a little of each. I've been on SP for nearly 4 years, logging every drop of food and every ounce of sweat. I was tired of thinking about it. Tired of calculating.

To make things worse, I injured myself with some combination of training for a half marathon and shoveling the incredible amount of snow New England got last year. (yes, last year, but really the end of 2010). Being the stubborn Irish woman I am, I only half hartedly sort treatment and was even less cooperative with my treatments. Needless to say, I didn't get better and my hamstring/groin pull turned into a back injury. That was all I needed. Good bye cardio, pilates, strength training.

Now I was really resentful. Maybe angry and probably a little depressed. And, it started to show on my body.

Every week that passed caused my pants to be tighter and my eating to get worse. Isn't that ironic? Your ass is growing and you know you need to curb the eating, but I turned to food. And, my most recent revelation? I turned to a glass or two of wine, which lowered my willpower to make good choices and increaed my after dinner snacking.

Anyway, last week, I had a nightmare. I woke up in the middle of the night sweating and disturbed. I was over 200 pounds again in my dream. It was so real. It was depressing, heart wrenching and embarrassing. There are actually many people (including my son) who don't know THAT girl. And I can not, will not let her come back. I also realized, in that crazy, anxiety ridden 3:00 am hour, that i knew what to do and that it was my choice that things were completely out of control. I needed to engage myself, reconnect to spark people and stop just talking about eating better.

I weighed myself the next day. 172.5. Oh god. I need to loose 18 pounds to be where I was a year and a half ago. How did I let this happen? I stopped talking to myself in a self pitying, regrettful way and decided to take charge.

I'm proud to say that I'm making progress. I've been testing myself on the treadmill and finding that at a 30 minute jog, my hamstring/groin is quiet and my back seems to be okay. (huh, the doctor's recommendation to rest may actually have worked...). I'm making better food choices and started the 30 day shred this week to help with cross training. I've set a reward for a 5 pound loss to keep me going, and I'm cruising Pinterest fitness boards and SP at night too maintain my motivation.

So, here's to my mini journey of 18 pounds, a smaller ass and that half marathon. I'm accountable again--- don't you dare let me forget it! :)
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
  • no profile photo CD18089804
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    705 days ago
  • EMGERBER
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    1636 days ago
  • THELILEA
    Congrats on finding your way back to where you want to be again! You are taking control, you know what to do, you sound like a kick arse lady: a recipe for success!! YEA!! :D :D
    3196 days ago
  • SEPPIESUSAN
    Congratulations on your decision to get back to SP!

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    3196 days ago
  • MEADSBAY
    Dear friend-
    I am so glad to see you back here and doing what needs to be done.
    Be firm but kind with yourself and you will be back in tip-top shape before you know it.
    I'm struggling myself but have just started a 16 week wt loss study at uri and hope to get some new insights about my fat ass.

    emoticon
    3223 days ago
  • CRYSBROWN1
    Welcome back! You definitely know what you have to do especially since you've done it before, now watch those 18lbs disappear!
    3223 days ago
  • no profile photo CD7709590
    Way to go & welcome back! You should be able to bounce back with no problems!
    3224 days ago
  • REBELBLITZ
    Congratulations on your weight loss journey. Sometimes our dreams are sending us messages. You will have that 18 pounds gone before you know it. You can do it!

    Cheryl
    3224 days ago
  • CHEPRBYTHEDOZN
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    Way to jump back on the wagon!!!! YOU ARE IN CHARGE! and you know it and have taken the responsibilty!!! you'll do awesome!
    3225 days ago
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