Frustrated as (Swear word)

Sitting here at work. Frustrated. Very very frustrated. There is a box of Triscuits next to me. I ate a few, angrily, crunching hard. But I'm not over eating. This is a positive thing, I know it.

I'm so angry, and over-reacting to what is going on at work I can't be excited about this positive thing.

I'm frustrated for good reason but I am OVER-REACTING and ANGRY because I am FEELING my feelings instead of eating them. Since I stopped stuffing down my feelings I FEEL things more. I'm either laughing or crying, and rarely in the middle. It can be hard. I feel like a wildly swinging pendulum, and sometimes long for the days of being more stable. According to the "experts" these mood swings are pretty normal when one really stops eating for emotional reasons.


Eating for emotional reasons is one of the big big stumbling blocks to my weight loss. And I kind of get this now...of course I am going to eat to numb these crappy feelings. And I know, consciously that things aren't *that bad* and I *am* over-reacting. However, knowing this consciously is different than knowing it in your heart.

It's hard to sit with my feelings. Hard to just let them flow over me and know they aren't going to kill me. Feelings DON'T actually kill anyone. Sometimes it just feels like it.

The thing about eating to suppress negative emotions is that we suppress the positive ones too. Love and joy. Happiness and serenity.

I've seen this...I swing wildly positive as well as negative. Things are silly and funny and make me laugh more.

But wow. Feeling things is hard.