It's not fair, but I think I am ok with it
Wednesday, February 22, 2012
Last night I had just changed into my workout clothes and was about to hop on my treadmill when my husband sat down on the couch with some frosting covered cookies to watch TV. I got really frustrated. I told him it sucked that he got to eat anything he wants and stay skinny, while I had to work my butt off (literally) and watch what I eat just to keep from getting even bigger. He loves fast food, little debbie snacks, cookies, etc. and eats them as a snack before a meal and before bed sometimes. I know it may catch up with him one day, but looking at his family, maybe not. Don't get me wrong he still eats the healthy meals I make along with salads and fish, but he does not worry about calories or exercising routinely.
I think it hit me hard because this is something I have dealt with my whole life. I am the biggest person in my family other than my dad who is still skinny. Both of my younger sisters are naturally very thin, eat fast food all the time and wear Size 2 clothes. (They also both got boob jobs and are now size Ds to make matters worse.) One of them has had two kids fit back into her clothes within a month after having each kid. My mom is itty bitty too and all three can get a little cold and drop 5-10lbs. I was teased growing up and hated being the shortest and the fattest sister. Don't get me wrong, my family is still loving and supportive, but still, not fun.
HOWEVER..... there is the other side of the coin. None of them are fit! They have never really had a problem with how they look so they have never taken the time/energy or been motivated to get in shape. Honestly if I were in their position I would probably be the same way and I would have missed out on so much. When I worked my way to thin I felt strong, happy, confident and proud. I am working my way back there again. That is a place where I honestly dont know if they will ever be. You can be naturally thin and have a gut, or even catch muffin-top-itis. Flabby skinny is a thing people.
While there was a part of my that envied my husband sitting on the couch eating his oh so delicious cookies, there was another part of me that was kinda happy that I am not letting myself settle for that. I am ok with the fact that, whether by genetics, lifestyle or personality, I am being made to work for the body that I want instead of being given one that I could say 'this is good enough' about. God never gives us more than we can handle so maybe this is my path to making me a better me. Maybe He knew that without a goal I might never have gone anywhere. (Insert several motivational quotes here too: Nothing worth having was ever achieved without effort; You have to work for the best things in life; etc)
So to sum up: Yes I get frustrated that I am not one of those 'lucky naturally skinny people'. BUT I also KNOW that I am happier as a strong, fit, healthy individual than I would be as a lazy, junk-food eating thin person.
PS: No I did not eat one of my husbands cookies. I did not even take a lick of icing, even though it looked pretty darn good.