Do you know where your fights and arguments come from? They come from the selfish desires that war within you. You want things, but you do not have them. So you are ready to kill and are jealous of other people, but you still cannot get what you want. So you argue and fight. You do not get what you want, because you do not ask God. Or when you ask, you do not receive because the reason you ask is wrong. You want things so you can use them for your own pleasures.
So, you are not loyal to God! You should know that loving the world is the same as hating God. Anyone who wants to be a friend of the world becomes God's enemy. Do you think the Scripture means nothing that says, "The Spirit that God made to live in us wants us for himself alone"? But God gives us even more grace, as the Scripture says,
"God is against the proud, but he gives grace to the humble." — Proverbs 3:34
So give yourselves completely to God. Stand against the devil, and the devil will run from you. Come near to God, and God will come near to you. You sinners, clean sin out of your lives. You who are trying to follow God and the world at the same time, make your thinking pure. Be sad, cry, and weep! Change your laughter into crying and your joy into sadness. Humble yourself in the Lord's presence, and he will honor you.
This scripture came to mind after the past reared its head once again. The evil one is still trying to bring me down using this past event and thankfully I have been able to catch it and not let him gain a foothold.
What happened? Maegann received a birthday card from the ex-adopted grandma. (For those who haven't lived through this event with me just know it was a horrible, emotional thing and ended with these longtime friends being severed from our family June 2011.) I am still praying that these cards will stop and I'm sure eventually they will. I have to believe that because I for one could not continue doing that for years on end when there is absolutely no contact or relationship any longer with the kids (or us). Maegann does get emotional once in awhile when a card will come because it reminds her of the good times (and there were many). She doesn't want the relationship though because of the fear she endured near the end. Isaac never mentions anything other than a random "We used to go to grandma's on Thursday and today is Thursday." Nothing about "I miss..." or "Why don't we go..." Absolutely nothing.
Anyway, last night as Maegann was heading to bed it was one of those times where she cried and said, "I miss g-ma." I woke myself up from a nightmare of the g-parents showing up for presentation night on Friday and trying to snatch Isaac. (They had become so protective of him and criticized our parenting and care of/for him. However, they wouldn't believe he had issues with autism or food allergies.) I know the nightmare stemmed from Maegann's tears and I'd been working on the presentation night before heading to bed. I woke myself up and began praying because I couldn't let myself be captured by the emotions. It's nice being able to blog about this tonight without emotion! I remained aware of the event being brought to mind again all day long because I didn't want to be caught off guard. And at some point this scripture and Phil. 3:13b-14 were brought to mind. Here's Philippians:
But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.
For me it was a day of being reminded to continue moving forward and to continue bringing it all to God. I need to remember those same thoughts go towards my weight journey as well.