A year ago I buried my father. It was a beautiful ceremony as funerals go. He was a Master Mason so they officiated the wake. My cousin and a dear friend participated and it made it even more special. I had never seen such a service and was greatly moved by it. Dad would have been proud.
The burial was a military one. It too was incredibly special. Since I am the oldest between my brother and I (and my mom had passed 15 years ago), I was given the first seat. My husband was next, my brother next, and our children after that. They folded the flag and presented to me, thanking me for his valor and service to our country. I was truly touched. Then they saluted the coffin. And yes, they played taps and fired a 21 gun salute. It was very moving and I don't regret having requested the service.
My point to this blog is not about my father's funeral (although, I did tear up as I relived it through my written word). No..my point has more to do with reference frame for my mental state a year ago.
A year ago I weighed 5lbs less than I do now. And if you add my weight loss to date (15lbs), that totals 20lbs. Yes...I had gained 20lbs after my father's funeral last year. Not something I'm proud of. Logically, I knew what I was doing to myself. But emotionally, I couldn't stop myself. To top it off, my brother visited us last summer and I fell apart again. He's an alcoholic and a smoker. And watching him, up close and personal...well it felt like I was watching him kill himself. So the emotional eating started all over again.
So what's changed since then? Me. That's what. My commitment to myself. My determination. My motivation. Oh yes...I had that last year. But I've changed this year. I want to lose weight so that I can live life to the fullest that I possibly can. I am reveling in how much stronger I am...and can't wait to get even stronger! I am marveling at how loose my clothes are getting and can't wait to get into the next size! In fact, I can't wait to get into a size 16!
But mostly, I am enjoying the process. Learning to challenge myself through fitness...or dieting. I enjoy seeing how my body reacts to the challenge. And I can only imagine it's going to get better!
A year ago...a lot has happened. But I am stronger for it. I feel like I am whole...complete...fully alive. 5 more pounds. That is a goal I'm striving for right now. My next one is to get into a swimsuit that I'd bought a few years ago...that's gonna happen by Mothers Day. And then...dare I say it? Well...let's just say that my strongest wish is to be able to ride a real bike by my birthday in July. There...I said it...so now I MUST go for it!
Thanks for joining me in this journey...it's great having the support of my SP friends!