Blogging away the weight: Starting where I left off...
Monday, June 11, 2012
First I want to thank BERKCHIK for asking what I had been up to lately. You gave me the kick in the butt I needed to get back to working on my blog! So thank you very much!
So what have I been up to? Well where do I begin...Lets start with my most recent life changing event. My husband and I just bought our very first house. Oh and we moved to Florida. Oh and two days after we got to Florida he had to leave for work and would be gone for at least a month. Oh and he is in the military. I guess that you could say life has been a wee bit hectic lol.
As of May 17th, almost everything we owned was packed up on moving truck and wasn't seen until June 5th. That meant almost three straight weeks of sleeping on an air mattress, eating every form of take out and living out of a suitcase. It was kinda like camping inside your own house. Eight year old me would have loved this new living arrangement but 24 year old me sought comfort in Excedrin back & body and wine. Lots and lots of wine...Some how I manage to survive this little adventure until life decided I had just not had enough. So after we FINALLY closed on our new house the last day of May in Florida, the movers called and said they couldn't bring our stuff until June 5th. The only problem with that was my husband had to report in for duty at a place 5 hours away on June 3rd. Therefore this meant I was left to handle my very first military move all by myself. ::insert drinking wine out of a red plastic cup and using a straw here:: Although the thought of it all was very overwhelming I managed to make it through relatively sane, that was until the next day...
So I was doing great the day the movers came. By the end of that day I had unpacked and put away the kitchen and the hanging clothes. I just kept telling myself, "I am strong. I can do this. I'm a military wife, this is what we do. This is who we are." Yeah well those little pep talks only could so much for the emotional storm brewing. I woke up the next morning to house full of boxes and total silence. That moment I realized that I'm doing this all alone. But I kept pushing on, unpacking boxes and putting things away. After working non stop that day, I took a break and sat down on my bed. Then it hit me and it hit me hard. My husband is gone and wont be back for at least a month, I just had to say goodbye to all my family and friends and I'm here in a place where I don't know a single soul. Then like good ole clock work by desire to binge is back and she is back with for force and furry. So I wipe alway by tears grab the key and head to the grocery. I was on a mission to buy the most unhealthy things possible. I literally could feel my body and mind almost completely change. It was like I was possessed by something. First I headed to the bakery where I grabbed a small cheese cake. Then as I passed the produced I grabbed guacamole. Next I went down the baking sections where I threw a box of carrot cake mix and two cans of cream cheese icing. By this point I was just throwing stuff in the basket. I headed to the dairy section where I picked up chocolate cream cheese and 2 pints of ben and jerrys. Lastly I snagged a bag of double stuffed oreos. As I unloaded all the stuff on to the checkout table I saw the guacamole and realized that I forgot to grab chips... I told the cashier I had forgot something and that I would be right back. so on the verge of coming out of my binge state I reached for the baked tostitos. As if it would have made a difference at this point. The cashier rung everything up and the total was $69 something. Now, looking back I can think of a million less selfish ways to spend $69 dollars.
Once I got home, I grabbed the cheese cake, oreos, chocolate cream cheese, chips and guacamole. As I started eating, I began to cry. I knew what was happening and I knew I needed help but I couldn't stop. After I ate an entire row of oreos which I dipped in the cream cheese, polished off the guacamole and finished 1/3 of the cheese cake the binge was over. I put everything away and went to bed.
The next morning I woke up and called my mom and told her about my rough night. She told me that she has done the same thing before. She also said that its done and over with and not to be too hard on myself because sometimes it just happens. I listened to her advice and decided to focus my efforts on others things. So I put on an audiobook, gave myself a todo list and spent the rest of the day working on it. However, every time I would open my fridge I would see the evidence leftover from that night. This past Saturday I added another task to my todo list. Clean out the fridge. And I am happy to say that I crossed that off my list!