I got a really good night's sleep again last night and I woke up with a temporary backache, but feeling very refreshed. Feeling so good, my next step was a vow to put the indulgences, both food and emotional, of the past several days behind and move on. So that's what I'm doing. But a new series of events led to my ability to say and do that today.
As usual, I put my life under a microscope like a student trying to decipher the nuances of an inch worm. I developed this ability, or practice, when I was in Overeaters Anonymous and could not eat ANYTHING between meals, or it would be a break in abstinance; so in order to figure out why I was craving something to eat when I wasn't hungry, which was very painfulfor me, I would backtrack the events leading up to the "hunger." As an emotional eater I usually could trace back to an event or feeling that caused the hunger, and once uncovered, I had an AHA moment and resolved the issue if I could, or just understood it, accepted it, and got past it. It worked every time! Many times I had to go back and "handle" something I let slide and then would eat over.
My daughter came over last night to bring me a new Trac phone card and put the minutes on the phone for me. I still haven't mastered this, and can't do it on line because my phone is too old. The minutes didn't go on properly , so she had to call Trac, via India, of course, LOL. So it took a while for her to be able to understand the instructions coming from the other end! After a half hour, however, I finally wound up with my original minutes, the new minutes, and a new time expiration. My daughter had agreed to stay for dinner which was a pizza delivery, and it took a little longer than she had hoped for, but we had a great time together, and a few laughs for a change. We also had freshly made Italian cannolis for dessert. I realized that I was craving my family more than food, even though I managed to put away at least 2 or 3 slices of Sicilian. Faced with a barrage of families all week and young kids, my emotions were stressed without my even realizing it. Seeing my daughter was what triggered this for me. So I know this was what was eating away at me all week long because as I write this, I'm getting teary. I miss my older daughter so much, and so much of their youth was our involvement with church and youth groups. It was a joy, and yet an unacknowledged pain at the same time, to serve at VBS last week.
So now that I can acknowledge what stressed me and threw me off course, I have to plan for next year differently if God willing, I'm able to participate next year. I don't like to make the same mistake twice. It's like a policy I have in life. So I will prepare differently and be able to talk to someone about it as I go through it. That's my plan for next year. For this year, I have returned to healthy eating as of today's breakfast, to be in better shape for next year!! I have blogged and shared my experience not only to help myself, but in the hope that it will jog a memory or provide a tool for someone else.
It's all part of the process, but I have to share this also: when I pray about my trouble, no matter how small, the Lord always brings forth an answer and with that brings comfort and peace, as well. So I try in a small way to give back what has been so freely given to me.