You don't always get what you want.....

Tuesday, August 07, 2012

Feeling so mixed up and sad and anxious. We moved here six months ago and I have been working to get a full time teaching position. I had a few interviews and felt confident about one in particular and was offered instead a long term sub position which I accepted with the clause that I would continue to look for full time work. So….I continued to look and got a position as a hospital educator working for a for-profit company. So what’s the problem? I don’t really know. I want a job and I worked hard to get this one. It doesn’t pay as much but it doesn’t require the plus 50 hours that I know public teaching requires. I did a teaching demo and was able to meet other staff members and learn more about the organization. It seems like a good company. But now, my emotions are out of control and I feel like I have nowhere to seek advice and basically vent my fears and misgivings. I don’t want to share this with my husband, family, and close friends who have been so supportive about my job search. I want to focus on the good things but I feel like I might have sold out. The good/bad thing is it is a year contract and I can also terminate it whenever I wish. The bad thing is I turned down two long term sub positions to take this. The good thing is it’s full time for twelve months. The bad thing is it’s not in a school….etc. I keep asking myself, did I sell out, did I panic, did I jump into something out of desperation? I’m feeling so anxious and sad almost sick to my stomach. I would have loved to work at the school I thought I was right for but I was not chosen for that position so in addition to this sadness I’m holding on to a lot of resentment and self doubt. Again, the good thing is I got a job, I have a place to go, I am an educator working with students who are really in need. The bad thing is it won’t be like my former classrooms - I am giving that up it seems. Sorry about this messy emotional blathering – thank you for letting me get this out there. Now that I’ve spewed I’m going to let it sit and come back and list all the positive attributes that this position holds and can hold. I still have an interview on Thursday for a children’s librarian position and I might make one last stab at a private school in the area. But until then, thank you for letting me put this out there.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Sorry to hear you're going through this. Having just moved and done the whole job/house/friend thing I know exactly what you're going through.

    I hope it gets better.
    2927 days ago
    Sorry for your stress - hope that you find educating adults as fulfilling as children for however long you chose to do so.
    2927 days ago
    I hope the venting helped you feel a little better. I use my blog as an outlet a lot, and it always helps.
    Hopefully you will find the guidance you need, and feel comfortable with the decision you make in the end. If the job you took is a year contract, can you use that time to do some soul-searching to decide what the right thing to do is? Whatever you decide, you have all of our support!
    2927 days ago
    I know what you mean about not being sure if you made the right decision. But I believe there is a reason that you didn't get the position you wanted, and it has nothing to do with you. Last year, I was transferred to two different schools. I didn't ask for the transfer, and I was bitter for several months into the school year because I loved the school where I was. I spent a lot of time venting to close family, praying and crying. It turns out that the situation at my last school wasn't as positive as I thought, and many of the people are running to get out. There is a reason why you were offerred this position and not the other one. Take it one day at a time, and believe that the reason will be revealed to you when it is time. For right now, use the gifts I can tell that you have where you are. It may be an opportunity for growth. I will pray that God will settle your spirit. I believe you might be headed toward a blessing. Take care.
    2927 days ago

    We are here to support each other. Glad I was able to read your rant. Like you said now you can sit back and come back and list the positive attributes. You will make the right decision.
    2927 days ago
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