What Mask Are You Wearing?

Sunday, August 19, 2012

For the past few weeks we have been discussing our nutritional eating habits, the who, what, where, how and whys...and even how to tame our emotional beast....but it wasn't until we really started talking to discuss our inner beast, that everything came to the surface for me!! We all know life isn't easy, no one promised us a rose garden, and all the cliches that go along with it, however, did you ever really just STOP and really dig down into your soul to see why you have let yourself keep eating, and eating....till you knew you had to come to Spark People for help!!! Thank goodness you came to Spark People but do you really know why, other than the obvious reason I want to lose weight......take a few minutes, soul search, dig down into your very core and you'll see and/or find out why you have let yourself keep on eating.

I think many of us wear masks, outside our outwardly appearances seem so bright and shiny....and they are!... we are smiling, laughing, and having a good time with friends and family.....inside there maybe that small little voice that says I can't let anybody see the real me, so I hide from myself and the world.

Oh I wore a mask, for more years than I could count, I even wore a mask when I came to Spark!!!..surprising isn't it!!!....I didn't want any one to see the real me, oh yes I am fat, but that's my armor, my protection!!! What you and I didn't know was that I had no self confidence, that is until recently, another Non Scale Victory!!!! I had been divorced, unheard of in my family, left my family down, but not my kids just meant I had to do all that I could to ensure their lives and happiness came first. The divorce left me with emotional scars I just wasn't good enough as a wife, that bottle of beer meant more to him than me and the kids, rejected but knew I would do all I could for my kids to make us a happy family. Thought I met the man of my dreams, became engaged, unexpectedly I found out I was going to have another child, happy, scared, but happy just the same. The baby is born and so are his fists, even though we never lived together. Physical abuse, mental abuse and the worst thing he could do to my daughter. Knew i had to pull it all together for my kids, but I was scared, so very, very scared!! So now on top of what my ex did and this jackass did I had no self confidence and up went the mask!!

Yes, that mask stayed their for years, only a few close friends knew about it until now!! Being here at Spark I have seen little by little that mask being slowly chipped away, you are a kind, loving caring and forgiving community who give so much to each other and more importantly you have given so much of yourself to me, that I now feel I no longer have to wear a mask. I'm happy, I'm complete, I have 3 beautiful children who have grown into amazing adults and I have 8 gorgeous grandchildren. I feel strong, but more importantly I feel loved, and I owe that all to you. I love you my Spark family and I thank you all for giving me my self confidence back!!

So, what kind of Mask Are You Wearing????
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    My mask is coming off as I lose weight. We can do this!
    2933 days ago
  • EMGI129
    It's so nice to hear that Sparkpeople is such an effective support and can help with making true, deep life changes. I know that, even being a new member, I find comfort and solace here, and many times I have been brought to tears of relief that there are nurturing people really listening to me. Thank you for being one of those people.
    2970 days ago
  • no profile photo CD12615218
    Oh, Angie, I'm so sorry that a beautiful soul like you had to suffer so much pain and degradation. You unselfishly did what you had to do to make a good life for you, and especially, your children. You may have worn a mask, but you were, and still are, a warrior! That insistence on what is good and pure and holy truly shines through all the ugliness you had to endure. All that pain makes you SUCH an empathetic and caring presence on SparkPeople. There's a joy and friendliness that makes me happy whenever I see your face on my screen. Keep up the good work of finding the real you and unmasking the Warrior!
    2975 days ago
    Dear Angie,
    It's a very powerful thing to be able to be "real" without the masks. With all the words of love and encouragement you have lavished upon me, I can see that you are truly walking as a new creation in Christ. You are free to enjoy who you are and all the riches you've been blessed with - your kids and grandkids and WE your Spark family are incredibly BLESSED BLESSED BLESSED to have YOU! emoticon
    2975 days ago
    You are definitely strong and loved. You took control and overcame both situations, and look at where all of you are today. A happy, healthy, and loving family. Your past has formed you into the strong, confident, loving, and beautiful Christian woman you are today. I used to wish I could erase my 1st failed marriage, and every other poor choice I made, and do everything differently, Just have a do-over of my life, but at some point i realized I am a culmination of all my experiences, good and bad. I am who I am today because of my past, and I wouldn't be right here right now, with such a beautiful and blessed life, with a wonderful husband. Divine intervention for sure!

    Thank you for your blog and for sharing such a personal side of your life with us, and thank you for trusting us. You overcame, and you are a blessing to us all! Hugs, Keli
    2991 days ago
  • J0ETTE
    Angie.. I believe you are a truly amazingly wonderful woman. Your family is very lucky to have you. We are lucky to have you. I am so happy that you are finding the keys to unlock the happiness within you. I feel honored to know I have a part in you being able to remove the mask. :D
    2991 days ago
  • no profile photo CD12613737
    I'm so glad the mask has come off. I think that some times we get so comfortable with the masks we put on that we forget they are there, until somebody comes along and reminds you about them. Like you I have found my personal growth here at Spark, having friends that you can honestly open up with, without fear of judgement has made this growth possible. Thank you for your courage and honesty, thank you for trusting us enough to share a difficult part of your life and thank you for being a true friend who has helped give me the courage to remove my mask.
    2991 days ago
  • no profile photo CD12006020
    Angie! OMG! I never knew. Thank you for being brave enough to share this all with us. You have broken out of your mask and you are appearing stronger and stronger every day.

    God bless you. You've come through so much and you are now a light at the end of the tunnel for many of us.

    Thank you.

    2991 days ago
    Thank you for sharing part of your story. It took a lot of courage.

    Best wishes on your journey to good health.
    2991 days ago
  • no profile photo WHERERMY62KEYS
    emoticon for freeing yourself from a bully and all the best for your future and the emerging new you emoticon
    2991 days ago
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    Disclaimer: Weight loss results will vary from person to person. No individual result should be seen as a typical result of following the SparkPeople program.