Hello world This is me
Sunday, October 07, 2012
So tonight we had our live meeting with Coach Krystie on the topic "learning to love yourself". This was the 4th meeting of the week that I have been to on the same topic. However, this was BY far the best meeting I have ever attended. This was the meeting that I needed the most.
In tonight's meeting the walls came down. I finally just looked at it, opened up, and told everyone how I feel. In the meeting tonight there was a picture of how we are supposed to see ourselves. The best image was a housecat that looked in the mirror and saw themselves as a lion.
Then it hit me, and I told everyone in the class that I see myself as the lion from the wizard of Oz, that I have this fierce potential and fierce persona but there is something missing inside me, something that makes me.... a coward.
And we got to thinking about it, and all got to talking about it... Throughout my whole life I have ALWAYS had an incredible work ethic and always faced every challenge head on. Nothing could ever stop me, no matter the task- so its not laziness or a fear of work....
So then I look at the physical nature of it, I have always been an athlete. Yes i might be over weight, and out of shape, but I was a state champion volleyball player, a state champion weight lifter, and what would have been a state champion wrestler if not for an injury. So I know its not because of a physical limitation.
So we know I am not afraid of the work and not unable to do it... so then what is it that is stopping me. And with the conversation we had tonight, I realized that what's stopping me is, well..... me. In my whole life I have never been able to successfully finish anything. I had law school that I failed out of, I had everything else that i've always failed at.... So what is it that is keeping me from doing it?
It's easy, if I don't try I CAN'T FAIL..... Well, yeah thats absolutely right, BUT at the same time, if i don't try I can't succeed either and then life will just be stuck in the same cyclical pattern that i have been doing over and over and over. Well, its time to break the cycle, time to end the bs.
I can do this because failure is NOT an option. With my work ethic, my desire, and my physical ability, I CAN do this.