KITT52
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Bitter sweet thoughts....

Sunday, October 21, 2012

Oct. 22 was my dear mothers birthday, and my first husbands birthday....both are gone now and I like to think they are in heaven watching over me....

I never had a great relationship with my Mother, she was always after me about my weight....
When I was young I was way to skinny, she use to force me to eat......then when I began a teen I was chubby and she started me on diets, I was ridiculed by her and made to be ashamed of my body and my self....I won't go in to all the unkind things she said and did because I have come to turns with it....she did what she thought for best for me....
The real issue I had with her was she disliked her body as well, she was forever on a diet, she was a binge eater in private....when my Dad would be out of town she would load up the house with junk foods and we would eat junk food, till we were sick....
Mom also smoked, we tried hard to get her to quit and she would give the flip answer...I have to die from something.....well she was right so nearly 10 years ago she dies from lung cancer, they caught it late and she died with in a month.....that in it self was a blessing, she did not suffer for to long...but at the end, she was sad, she told my sisters she did not want to die, she was not ready to die....but life had no other options for her.....

My first husband was a very intelligent man..he was very gifted....he could figure out most any thing.
the only thing he could not figure out was how to stop smoking.....yep he too was a smoker....
he died 13 years ago.....it was not from lung cancer ..... he had other issues and he could not figure out what to do....he decided the best thing he could do was end his life.....seems so selfish but then I thought it was selfish of my Mother to smoke as well....

It was selfish of me to be over weight, I never realized how selfish I was being....people who loved worried everyday about my health.....what would happen to me if I did not loose the weight...
On days when I don't feel like staying on track I remind myself this is not just for my health, it's not just to look beautiful....it's for my family and friends who worried for so many years about my health.....and those thoughts jolt me back to reality....food is fuel, it's what keeps me going....
Food solves no issues but hunger...

Let me say Happy Birthday Mom, she would have been 86

Happy Birthday Richard, he would have been 70

I hope I have made both of you proud....I am now proud of myself....

REST IN PEACE....

Kitt

sorry so long, but I did edit it....love yourself no matter what you weigh
there is a picture of me with my Mother in my photo gallery
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