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not in a very good place today

Thursday, October 25, 2012

today i am not in a very good place and before i do too much damage(re emotional eating)i thought it is better to go it out in the open and then maybe i can access it better.this may rammble,it may not.it may be a long blog,it may not.this blog is solely for me and to try and buck myself out of it.i guess i am just plain tired and that it is all getting to me.this morning the alarm went off and i ignored it.didn´t plan to just felt so yuck but with lotfi not being here and the kids haveing school i can´t afford to sleep in lol.woke up suddenly to see it was 7.09.the school bus for zakariya comes at 7.30and ayyub has to leave around that time too.so when i realised the time PANIC,lol.go in the kids room to find they are up and dressed watching a garfield dvd.i was like relieved and angry at the same time.relieved that they were dressed.angry that they hadn´t woke me up lol.quickly made them there breakfast and did their lunch boxes.secrectly glad this is their last day of school for a week(normally the school breaks up tomorrow but as it is the muslim eid/byram tomorrow they have a day off,i guess i am just doing too much at the moment which i shouldn´t but that is life.my iron count is really low again which makes me tired.despite my bloodthinners it feels like another lung embolie might be building up as i hm having trouble breathing and have the same pain in my back that i had when i have had lung embolies in the past. i am struggling to keep my exercise up as i don´t seem to have the energy to fight food at the moment and believe you me that is what it feels like a fight.been doing sewing for my sil as she is having visitors for eid and my sewing machine broke or should i say died the death on me so i had to do it all by hand which took a long time and was not good for my left eye which is really blurred and aching now.i am worried about ayman as he wasn´t 100% better when he went with lotfi.i miss the fact that we wont be together to celerbrate this eid tomorrow.in fact for the first time since i became muslim in 1998 it is the first time i haven´t been uplifted or wantedto celerbrate eid.alot is to do zakariya has his asthma school so tomorrow after noon and saturda y morning we have to be at the hospital and i really haven´t got the energy to get up early to go to the moschee then rush to the hospital as they involve alot of travelit also means being up even earlier to prepare food as zakariya can´t have the food that is on offer for at the moschee or the hospital so even more work for me.in fact i have decided today that i will give exercise a complete rest which is not me.i can´t decide weather to go shopping now then go back to bed afterwards or go to bed now and have more energy for shopping later.the fact that i am even thinking of going back to bed at all tells me in itself that i am not good.i am also worrying about my up and coming operation,which i know is daft i have already had two of them and i know times are a lot differant from when my nana died in the same op when i was 24 but the fear is still there.i guessit is the case of too much at a time,what with lotfi´s accident,just getting over that thenayman was in hospital and the usual running around anyway has just got to me and before i go in a slump or go into hiding again i thought i would get it out in the open.writing this has helped i have decided not to add the stress of going to the moschee we can celerbrate at home till we have to go to the hospital for zakariyas asthma school.i will go try to sleep now before going shopping and the sweets etcto make for eid i can leave till this afternoon and make with the kids.the rest willhave to take it as i find it.thanks for listening to my rambles those that do.take care and keep smiling
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    sending emoticon your way!
    2589 days ago
    I hope you put yourself first once in a while!! You need to keep your strength. I find that a list helps in keeping the stress away a little better, and crossing things off of it - even the little things - can help make you feel like you're getting things accomplished and not so overwhelmed. Of course, you did it right by skipping some things as well - sometimes we just can't do everything, and that's when the list helps the most! You can look at what needs to be done and cross off the things that don't really need to be there in the first place!

    Good luck, Sweetie!! I'm sending you lots of hugs and prayers! I hope you're feeling a little better too!
    emoticon emoticon
    2589 days ago
    I hope that your weekend was peaceful. You have so much going on.
    2590 days ago
    I hope everything went great and you and your family had a great time at Eid
    2595 days ago
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    2595 days ago
    Oh dear, I do hope things go better for you today.
    2596 days ago
  • JUDITH1654
    I wish I could afford to send you some Youngevity - tangy tangerine and pollen burst - because I think it would help you tremendously.

    2597 days ago
    It sounds like you have a good plan for the day. I am not familiar with eid but I hope your celebration goes well. We are all asthmatics and I know how difficult that can be. Never heard of asthma school but sounds like a good thing to learn how to cope with it. Hope you do well. emoticon
    2598 days ago
    Hello old friend, I am so happy to have found you. You use to send me so many encouraging messages and I am here for you whenever you want to chat. Blessings to you and yours Everhopeful.
    Love Luyah
    2598 days ago
    2599 days ago
  • PEBBLES706
    2600 days ago
  • ABB698
    emoticon emoticon
    2600 days ago
    2600 days ago
  • MOMS100
    I know how down I get when I'm tired. Take care of yourself, Karen! Be proud that the children got themselves ready and let you sleep a bit. Am sending prayers your way! emoticon
    2600 days ago
    Hope that this helped you. You have so much on your shoulders yet you are such a strong person. Thinking of you and your family. Happy Eid!

    hugs....Mary Anne
    2600 days ago
    I hope the blogging did for you what it usually does for me - help me to get on. emoticon
    2600 days ago
  • no profile photo 1LBDOWN
    I hope blogging helped. I am not Muslim (I am a Christian), but I have many friends who celebrate Eid. I'm glad that you reminded me that it's Eid, because I need to wish them a Happy Eid.

    And I also wish you a Happy Eid. Maybe the stress of getting ready has you a little down, but once the holiday starts, perhaps you will feel uplifted again.
    2600 days ago
    Glad blogging helped. Wish there was more we could do. Anxiety is a horrible thing and I'm there with you. Hugs and good ju-ju coming your way. You can handle this.
    2600 days ago
  • JHUSTO01
    I am sorry you're not in a good place, but I'm glad the blogging helped you to feel a bit better. I hope you're able to get yourself back into a "good" place soon, and that you're feeling better soon!!
    2600 days ago
    let's hope the fact all that is now "out there" means you aren't stewing on it. Time to stop doing stuff for the extended family while you recover a bit. Try and see the dr soon and tell him/her about the pain and anxiety, you might get some medication to help with it.
    Sending hugs
    2600 days ago
    Ooh Darling !
    I so feel for you .. you must be so exhausted and this is bringing you down ..I honestly do not know how you cope ...
    You have so much worry and responsibility on your shoulders ..
    Know that I am thinking of you and sending healing vibes and so much love ..
    Take care my lovely friend ..
    Always in my thoughts and heart.
    Susie emoticon emoticon emoticon
    2600 days ago
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