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this little ray of light came shining thru

Monday, January 07, 2013

today was pretty nice out, maybe upper 50's, a bit of a chill to my hands, and the wind in my hair made it necessary to wear my headband, but the walking was good, did an hour and ten minutes, i cannot wait til nicer warmer weather
have been making some life decisions and am going to set out to find a part time job or some retraining or go back to school part time, something that is training to work
no long term school and get my life on the right track, have lost 63 pounds and hope to keep on going with it......
today i cleaned house and still have alot of dusting to do and changed the curtains and cleaned off the front porch and cleaned out my car
so so productive
now, what is there to do tomorrow and the next day
hmmmm, well, i know i have to find some way to fill the time and the void in my life and maybe i will start doing late evening work outs
weight lifting and maybe even get to walk some more later in the day once the days last longer
i hate winter
i hate it so much, i really feel such an overwhelming depression and despair has been hanging over me since about november and its only gotten worse with the loss of my friend
i miss this person very badly
but, today, it wasnt so bad, i walked
i enjoyed the sun on my face and i seen some friends and chatted in the park and i came home and cleaned and have made a decision that i am giving the puppy away
i know it seems shallow and maybe heartless
but i honestly think someone else can care for her more than i can right now
maybe if it was a different time in my life
but this time right now i have to find me and i have to find where i belong and what is causing me this grief in my life
and i cant even begin to know which direction to turn
but, i stayed within calorie range today and now my house is pretty clean and i feel ok
right here and now, i feel ok
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    I'm glad you got out for a walk and are making plans. Stop judging yourself as "shallow and maybe heartless", you know you are doing the right thing by finding a good home for the puppy (NOT either of those things) and you don't need that dialogue in your head about what others could think - who cares what haters think?!!!
    Don't dwell on the false friend. Grieve it, yes. Accept it. (Hard, but healing.) But practice on putting your mind/energy on where you are heading and the good friends you still have. I know it seems impossible to do b/c I've been there, but time really does heal IF you keep pressing forward to better things instead of over-analyzing what went "wrong." Sometimes it really is the other person.
    "Dwelling on someone who has hurt you is like letting someone live in your head rent-free." Actually, it's worse. It's like they are charging YOU rent for living in your head! So draining. Cut 'em off.
    Here's to new beginnings, and GOOD friends!

    2846 days ago

    Comment edited on: 1/8/2013 8:43:09 AM
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