Divorce after Weight Loss? Feedback Needed
Thursday, January 24, 2013
Most of my SparkFriends know I've lost a significant amount of weight over the last few years (104lbs ish) and kept it off. Doing this took changing my lifestyle, but also changed who I am. When you have that much weight to lose, to successfully keep it off, I believe you have to deal with all the emotional baggage you have that is leading you to the refrigerator.
So, I did. I worked very hard at getting to the root of why I was eating. I figured it out, and in doing so became a more balanced, centered, self-confident, happy person. People in my life frequently refer to me as the calm one in their life. How great of a compliment is that?
Through this whole journey, I've been married to a very nice man. He's kind, gentle, supportive of my changes and my body, he listens to me. He's a terrific father to our son. When I married him 15 years and 100+ lbs ago, I wasn't particularly attracted to him, we didn't have much in common, and I knew he wasn't a strong person. All those things were okay with me then, because I didn't feel like I deserved everything. So, I settled for Mr. Good Enough.
I care about him. I don't wish him ill will. But, this journey has molded me into the person I should have always been. I now feel completely worthy of having someone who is capable of being an equal partner in my life, of being there for me emotionally when I need him to, instead of relying on me to handle everything and always pick him up off the floor, even when I need to be able to let go and fall to the floor myself.
I've spent the last year pushing and pulling at him, making my emotional and physical needs incredibly clear (I'm a fantastic communicator), and all he does is apologize, cry, and fall apart. He says he knows I'm unhappy and that he can't be who I deserve, but as long as I don't leave him, he's okay with it. I don't think he's capable of being who I need/want/deserve, but I'm torn.
I have a good life. My 7 year old has a good life. I'm unhappy. Can I justify shredding pieces of everyone's life because I'm lonely, unfulfilled, and unhappy, or is that totally selfish?
Has anyone been in this situation? I need some guidance here. What do you do when you're a totally "new" person and your spouse can't keep up?