Where have I been?

Wednesday, March 13, 2013

Blog #27

The last while has been full of compete highs and terrible lows. This may be long but here it is:
In November of 2011, I got my dream job. My boss was amazing. He and I worked well together. He got me and I got him. Work was crazy and he trusted my abilities and I was like his right hand girl. Nothing went out from our office to clients/newspapers/etc without me proofreading it. I am a perfectionist by nature and I often had to get back 3rd and 4th proofs for our brochures, etc.
I was doing three people's jobs. I was an EA/Admin - Contract Administrator (pre-reading and marking contracts from clients before legal got them), and tester (our division had a software tool we developed). It was crazy! I was always so busy and the days went so fast. I loved the people I worked with and got along great.
Fast forward to September 18, 2012: I was swamped. I was working on a bid with the sales peeps for a big client. I got a text from my boss' wife. He had been laid off. I couldn't breathe. What was going on!? I looked up and into his office and he wasn't there. She had wanted me to hear from them. About 45 minutes later, I'm still trying to get a handle on this bid. I get a call. It is my boss’s boss. Half my mind says - they are going to tell you who you now report to... the other half of my mind says - prepare to be walked out.
So I walk into his office... and HR is there. He goes on and on about how I am a valuable member to the team but cut backs.. blah blah blah. I asked if it was today or in 2 weeks. He said today. I asked for my papers.
I have been through a layoff before. I know the run around. He hands me the papers. I walk back to my desk and I take down all my stuff. Pictures of my son etc. The HR lady knows I'm upset and wants to get me a taxi. I agree at the time but as we are heading down the elevator I know that I am not going to want to stand and wait with her for one. I get off and walk.
I texted my boss’s wife and she calls me. They are SHOCKED. Later that day I find out that 400 people were laid off.
I went home in shock. I updated my resume. Called some placement agencies I have worked with before and let them know my updated resume was on its way... then I crashed. I don't know how else to say it. I applied for jobs but for over 2 months I barely left my house. I was so…sad. I didn't care about showering or anything. I got up for my son to go to school and went and picked him up. Otherwise I just moped at home.
Unemployment said my severance was 7.5 weeks of pay. It was only 4. Things were scary for a while.
I gained almost 40lbs. I started to feel a bit better near the end of December. I had an interview and the next day they offered me the job! I signed right away and started the following Monday. Now you would think I would be over joyed. From the very first day I have had a terrible gut feeling about the job. 11 people have quit in the 2.5 months I have been here. Including my manager.
I feel so alone. My closest and really only friend has had to go away for a while. I have written some letters because he can get snail mail. But I miss him terribly. He knows exactly what to say to me. Tough love or sympathy. He knows.
I am starting to feel better. My niece was born on January 19th (Avery). She is amazing. I have two nieces on my husband’s side who are now older (13, 17) My son loves her. He is so proud to be the big cousin now. He holds her and talks to her and I can see the love in his face.
I’m climbing out of the slump ever so slowly. I am trying to get back on track and active.
I can do this! I can get to Onderland!
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Oh, honey, I know exactly how you feel! i was unemployed for several months after an unexpected move and it was just the most depressed I have ever been. I started working at the end of last year and I'm giving it my all, but I'm still desperately lacking that social support group. I definitely put more weight on (didn't think it was possible) during my sad spell too.

    Look for support anywhere you can get it--online or on meetup or something. Don't be afraid to keep shopping that resume around while you're working too, the right place will turn up! Let me know if you ever need to vent!
    3014 days ago
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