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Be Your Own Version of Hawt

Friday, June 14, 2013

Recently, I responded to a new SparkFriend's post lamenting about the state of her current body and in anticipation of it not being perfectly what she hopes it will be after weight loss. I have struggled with my past and current bodies for this same reason and find myself quite often being angry and resentful that even after an 80 pound loss, I don't look anywhere near what I feel I should. Yet, when seeing it from someone else's eyes, I found the perspective to see just what is really important in all of this and just for sh**s and giggles, I decided to put it here in a blog since she told me she found it inspirational and who knows who else might need to hear it (myself included) today. What follows is my response to a question basically asking why bother to lose the weight when the cellulite/extra skin will still be there.

All one has to do is looik at my user name to figure out that a large part of my motivation to lose the weight had to do with my appearance. Yes, I did want to lose the weight and be the hottie I had dreamed of being for years. However, thankfully, this was not the only factor that played into my descision to make huge life changes. I had taken a good look at myself and my life and although I did like myself and my life, I knew that it could be infinitely better with better health, nutrition and fitness.

Here comes the brutal honesty part. For me, anyway, reaching my ever changing weight loss goals has been pretty anti-climactic. Each time I hit a target weight that I thought was the magic number, I would continue to be disappointed that I don't look like the image I had in my mind when starting all of this. I am at 146 pounds at 5'7" and am pleased with my strength and fitness levels even as I continue to try and improve upon them, but even as I see muscles emerging and lean limbs and even through my torso in the back, I continue to struggle with a stomach full of cellulite, stretch marks, loose skin and yes, fat. It just hangs there. So unnattactive and maybe even more so when compared to the rest of my lean body. I feel some days like it is just there to taunt me and remind me of the mistakes of the past. We are all built differently and we all lose the last of our fat from somewhere that none of us like and yes, when we lose 80 or more pounds, sometimes the skin doesn't catch up.

But TBH, I try really hard not to focus too much on that part. I keep eating as well as I can, tracking my food, staying within my calorie range and changing up my strength and cardio routines in an effort to rid myself of this last evidence of the abuse I put my body through for years. The reason that I started and the reason that I will NOT GIVE UP is that I am 45 next week and have perfect blood pressure, blood sugars, cholesterol and many other health benchmarks. I feel energetic, happy, healthy and vibrant. My sex life is phenominal compared to before and I find that just the whole world feels ilke a different place. I can keep up with DH on the bike, I can run with my kids and I feel like, if I wanted to, there is nothing that I couldn't do with practice and effort. The confidence that comes with just feeling good and conquering the addictuion that I had with processed foods and feeling in control of what I eat and my life in general cannot compare with the occasional smile that a nice bikini would put on my face. I look good. I feel good. Ok, so I may never be able to feel like a Victoria's Secret model, but I know that all of the improvements I have made have enhanced my life and the lives of those around me more than being anyone's idea of beauty.

Be your own idea of beauty. Put those images of what you think you should look like out of your head. (I"m talking to myself just as much here). Imagine just having more energy, feeling better and looking YOUR best, whatever that may be and just know that any improvements that you make at this point, you will not regret.



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