Third time's a charm...
Thursday, August 22, 2013
Well here I am...third time around the Spark block, over 200 pounds once again, and feeling like crap...again.
But my pain is great enough that I'm ready for a change once again. None of my clothes fit, I hate what I see in the mirror, and I feel out of control...Again.
I don't know why I insist on thinking that once I get to a certain point where I feel comfortable in my skin, I can just go back to doing what I was doing. I guess I get to a point where I just get tired. Tired of counting calories, tired of exercising, tired of ordering the chicken and a salad off of a restaurant menu...just tired.
So I say SCREW IT! I eat what I want, I lay on the couch like a slug, quit wearing a pedometer and pretend like I don't care. And maybe for a minute I really DON'T care. For a while it feels freeing. Like I can just do and eat what ever I want...but it winds up being not just for a day, but days, weeks, months, and then SURPRISE, I'm back up to 200 pounds again.
It's this vicious hamster wheel I've been stuck in pretty much my whole life. I guess I am going to have to gain some acceptance that as much as I am an addict and cannot step away from the program of Narcotics Anonymous, I can not step away from eating right and exercising.
I mean I can always blame it on the fact that I broke my toe and got out of my groove...last October....lol. I can always blame it on the fact that I had surgery...in June. I can always blame it on the fact that I quit smoking...a month ago. But I'm going to keep it real and get honest and tell you that I just get complacent and lazy.
As always I come crawling back on my hands and knees to Spark...this time praying I don't quit 5 minutes before the miracle happens...this time hoping I can actually finish what I start.