tug-of-war with my willpower
Friday, August 30, 2013
i surrender my will. then i take it back.
hahaaaa. it's so not funny.
i was here on the 27th. on the 28th, i ate chocolate cake, whipped cream, ice cream and three slices of pizza ... and drank a can of Coke. clearly rebelling.
it wasn't even a party; just food and dessert out for dinner. none of which i had to eat. none of which was specifically handed to me. all choices i made; the decision all my own to eat it all.
i thought, sort of, ... well maybe this is my "one last big binge" before i make the change. oh god, it all sounds so familiar.
i'm starting to get a little nervous though. because i think, logically, i understand that my way of eating has to change. but emotionally, i'm thinking it's not that serious. i read in today's Hazeldon meditation that overeating is a progressive disease too - is this right? so, in other words, all of my "not yets" and "nevers" can and will happen if i don't change now?