seeking peace with a troubling issue
Friday, August 30, 2013
Ahh, yes, progress not perfection. Thanks to those of you here who have reminded me of that. Today has been a better eating day. I'll be heading out soon for a walk with my dog.
I just wanted to share something ... I've had issues with eating my entire life. I was a chubby, overweight kid ... most likely considered obese by standards/guidelines, whatever.
i grew up hating my thighs - "thunder thighs" my family called me, and then later my friends learned to call me too.
i grew up knowing that i was too heavy in pounds - "concrete butt" my family called me, and then later my friends learned to call me too.
i grew up feeling bad for my mother, who was also teased about her weight. i remember taking part in the name calling, but increasingly felt worse and worse about it as it began happening to me and i realized how much it hurt, how embarrassing it was. i finally stopped and started to let others know that it hurt, and they shouldn't call me or my mother (or anyone) those names. it just got worse.
i've been called those names a few times over the years, even now as an adult, but mostly i stay away from those family members - they clearly don't understand how it feels to be me.
i was really saddened recently ... when another person i knew had lost a LOT of weight in a short amount of time. i'd been really happy for this person, knowing how difficult it has been on their overall health.
what saddened me was the sarcastic, hurtful comment ... "is so-and-so still fat?" I could not believe my ears. the comment wasn't about me, but i felt insulted, hurt, and even angry ... this battle is incredibly difficult on a daily basis. it can feel like a war sometimes, and i know this person knows that ... why make such a comment about a fellow in need of support? :(
for me, it's about being healthy ... not so much about my size. i realize i'm smaller than some and bigger than others ... but being healthy and feeling fit enough to live an active life ... that's my goal.
i am pissed and angry at this person. not enough to say something hurtful back, because that would solve nothing and would just make me feel worse and eat more. it's just something that has been bothering me for months, that i need to make peace with.
i hope that putting this "out there, out of my head" will begin the process.