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seeking peace with a troubling issue

Friday, August 30, 2013

Ahh, yes, progress not perfection. Thanks to those of you here who have reminded me of that. Today has been a better eating day. I'll be heading out soon for a walk with my dog.

I just wanted to share something ... I've had issues with eating my entire life. I was a chubby, overweight kid ... most likely considered obese by standards/guidelines, whatever.

i grew up hating my thighs - "thunder thighs" my family called me, and then later my friends learned to call me too.

i grew up knowing that i was too heavy in pounds - "concrete butt" my family called me, and then later my friends learned to call me too.

i grew up feeling bad for my mother, who was also teased about her weight. i remember taking part in the name calling, but increasingly felt worse and worse about it as it began happening to me and i realized how much it hurt, how embarrassing it was. i finally stopped and started to let others know that it hurt, and they shouldn't call me or my mother (or anyone) those names. it just got worse.

i've been called those names a few times over the years, even now as an adult, but mostly i stay away from those family members - they clearly don't understand how it feels to be me.

i was really saddened recently ... when another person i knew had lost a LOT of weight in a short amount of time. i'd been really happy for this person, knowing how difficult it has been on their overall health.

what saddened me was the sarcastic, hurtful comment ... "is so-and-so still fat?" I could not believe my ears. the comment wasn't about me, but i felt insulted, hurt, and even angry ... this battle is incredibly difficult on a daily basis. it can feel like a war sometimes, and i know this person knows that ... why make such a comment about a fellow in need of support? :(

for me, it's about being healthy ... not so much about my size. i realize i'm smaller than some and bigger than others ... but being healthy and feeling fit enough to live an active life ... that's my goal.

i am pissed and angry at this person. not enough to say something hurtful back, because that would solve nothing and would just make me feel worse and eat more. it's just something that has been bothering me for months, that i need to make peace with.

i hope that putting this "out there, out of my head" will begin the process.
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Member Comments About This Blog Post
    Thanks everyone who commented ... your kind words and support have been really helpful to me. xoxoxox emoticon
    2668 days ago
  • PCOH051610

    Just stumbled across this blog and I just had to add my two cents worth. My family is famous for this kind of comment. If anybody tries to lose weight all we hear is ``she``ll have it all put back on and more besides before too long`` etc.

    AARRRGGH. I`m talking about my extended family here and not my immediate family (thankfully!) and I often wonder if they are just miserable people

    2695 days ago
    Good for you for not retaliating. You are the bigger (in heart and soul) person. You are right to look at the progress and health, rather than being the thin one. Not one of us is ever completely satisfied with ourselves, but it's a matter of acceptance which then allows for changes.
    Well done you!
    2699 days ago
    You are a caring and loving person - you are also right that words hurt. I love that you stand up for your friends and family and avoid the negativity. People don't always REALIZE how much words hurt. Families especially don't think because they assume the words they say will ALWAYS be taken as being "for their best interest" so - you don't have to be kind to your loved ones (how that makes sense I don't know but I do KNOW that many people think that way).
    2700 days ago
  • no profile photo CD7778582
    Some people are so ignorant it is truly unbelievable! I am so sorry that you have had to listen to this kind of crap your entire life. I am also sorry for your friend. People do not think before speaking. Maybe if you feel the need to confront the person who said this, you could simply ask them why they feel it is okay to be rude about someone's weight. What bothers them so much that they feel the need to be so mean? Ugh. Good luck sweetie! I hope that you find peace!
    2701 days ago
    I know it hurts when ignorant people say such hurtful things. You may not be able to change them, but you can control how you react, that is all anyone can do really. You can either get upset and let it hurt you and make your life worse, or you can try to find a healthy way to handle it. Is anyone really worth hurting yourself over in life? Hugs, you know I would never call you names like that and any decent person that loves you would not want to hurt you like that.
    2701 days ago
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