TRACYDUKA

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What 40lbs have taught me.

Wednesday, October 02, 2013

Compared to the people who amaze me and inspire me on here, my weight loss is small by comparison. And that's ok. That's WHY they inspire me so much. They have lost what I WANT to lose. But I will never see those sorts of losses if I don't first lose 1lb. Then another and it all snowballs into 100lbs lost, 150lbs lost, 200lbs lost. So even though I'm no where near my goal, this weight loss has really taught me a lot about myself.

First, I want to say that I've never lost this much weight in my life. On all the diets I'd been on before, NOTHING has triggered such an amazing amount of weight loss as simply changing my mind and my lifestyle. This is no diet. This isn't some fly by night fad. This is it. This is my last rodeo. This is how I'm going to eat for the rest of my life. So I'm really going to have to do things that I can live with. Some things I didn't want to change, like giving up dairy or burgers AND fries at the same time. BUT my body apparently can no longer digest any dairy anymore, and it struggles with higher carb loads. And it isn't like I'm low carbing it either. I'm not doing an atkins or south beach or anything that promotes zero carbs for a time, then slow reintroduction. No, I'm eating between 120-205g/day. So if I have the carb allotment for a cookie. I'm totally going to eat that cookie. IF that's what I'm craving. Otherwise it's a matter of figuring out what I can have in combination with other foods.

I'm also learning to move my body and to enjoy it's movement. This one is still a struggle for me. I'm lazy by nature (meaning that I don't want to walk or lift weights or exercise, I'd rather sit and watch tv or play on the computer or read a book!) But I can't do that. My body NEEDS movement! My body NEEDS stimulation! My heart needs to race for more than scary parts in movies. My muscles NEED to be engaged in some sort of struggle. My bones NEED my muscles to be strong because they are only going to be getting weaker.

I've also come to the realization that being thin isn't my goal. Being just healthy isn't my goal. I want to be FIT. I want to PERFORM. I want to EXCELL. I want my son to be proud to call me Mom. Being an older mom ( I was 33 when I had him), I have to face the fact that I'm going to be 51 when he graduates from high school. I'm going to be 60 or better when he has kids. (most likely!) And if I'm going to enjoy my grandbabies, I have to take care of me NOW. I have to love me NOW. I have to start taking care of this one vessel that God has given to me.

So, really I'm glad and happy and proud about my 40lbs. But they've only started a fire burning in my belly to add to them. :D So here's to the next 170lbs :D Because I KNOW that I can do this. I've already done the hardest part. I started...
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